Finding a Way Out of Humiliation
By Steve Beckow
Posted on April 26, 2024
Two things I’m noticing seem to indicate where we are … OK, OK, I am … with the rising energies.
One is that people around me are starting to say they can’t remember why they went into the kitchen. Or what they were going to say.
All of a sudden I’m not alone in having a poor memory. I don’t feel so isolated!
All of a sudden the pressure on me is gone. And that’s a relief. I don’t wish the condition on anyone, but adding guilt to it is not helpful.
I may be attracting everyone with an over-developed forgetery, by the law of attraction. Whatever it is, in my view, it’ll all disappear with med beds or by us simply entering higher sub-planes through our gradual Ascension. So I personally am not worried.
The second thing that I’m noticing is that one vasana (core issue) after another is going off. (1) I feel like the toothpaste tube being squeezed for the last bit.
Always I have the choice of processing the vasanas or projecting my anger onto the person before me, who is almost never the real “offender.”
But the cost of projecting them onto others is itself getting higher and higher. It feels as if it’s magnified.
I’m pretty sure I’m feeling more sensitively now than, say, five years ago, and that may explain why I feel the lower-vibrational states more keenly.
I also recall SaLuSa some years ago saying that our karma will be returning faster and faster as we progress. That’s a good alternate description of the circumstance.
The cost of not going with the flow towards the divine qualities and virtues is becoming tangible. My reactions to even small white lies is reaching the point of unpleasantness. The push towards change is becoming unmistakable.
I accepted that the path was strait and narrow, but I didn’t suspect how strait and narrow it would become.
***
In line with the squeeze of the rising energies, I’ve stayed with my minor disagreement with the restaurant manager for more than a week now, wringing the juice out of it, and another, deeper layer arose this morning.
It concerned an incident on a Toronto subway in around 1973. Not so strangely, when I studied karate, I found myself getting into one fight after another. How did that work? I wondered.
A man was bothering passengers and then he’d move on. When he came to me, I ignored him and he went away.
Nowadays I’d say I was guided back then not to engage. But back then I saw myself as having walked away. And it bothered me.
The same way I felt after that is the way I’m now feeling: Humiliated. I now had a name for the feeling that so far had been going on in the background of unconscious awareness.
That ancient vasana or core issue was triggered by this current event. In my mind, I walked away from a fight.
If I were projecting, I’d blame my feelings on the other person: “You made me….” I’m going to walk through the alternative: Experience the resisted feeling to completion.
Jesus outlined this path in “The Third Way.” (2) I’m experiencing the resulting feeling of humiliation to the fullest so that it can pass in its own time and release me. Resist it and the two of us wrestle with each other forever. What we resist persists, Werner Erhard reminded us.
Immediately upon identifying the feeling as humiliation, I flash on a second humiliating event when I was asked on the spot (that is, without warning) to address the 50th reunion of my high school, as its former school president.
I discussed some of the things you and I talk about and how I was looking forward to our future. The hall was silent. I asked someone to speak for the group and was told that maybe this wasn’t the time to be discussing things like that.
How clumsy of me to think that we could talk about out there what we talk about in here. That lesson stung and has stayed with me.
Not yet. After the emergency broadcasts perhaps, when things probably will have changed.
Meanwhile, the people in my building think I’m crazy, apparently, because I talk about med beds. So, yes, humiliation – it seems to go with the territory of seeking the new.
So, right at this moment, I’m feeling into humiliation.
What is this? The moment I began to extend my awareness and search for humiliation with my inner radar, I felt it for an instant and then it vanished.
Wow! All that resistance against feeling humiliation for all these years, and, when I opened to experience it, it vanished in an instant? (3) I have to say that, in all my years processing vasanas, I’ve never seen an unpleasant feeling vanish that quickly upon being recognized, acknowledged, and experienced.
Write that down. I assert that that’s another indication of the impact of the rising lovelight energies.
***
But I’m not left there in peace for long. Very soon I detect yet another layer. This one is a young boy who was caught doing wrong and feels like his life is about to fall apart.
Stealing a chocolate bar. Stealing a can of rock candy. That’s about as bad as it ever got. But being caught felt like my life was over.
It discussing these incidents, it isn’t the disagreement that I’m pointing to. It’s what the incidents say – or what the ease of processing them says – about the lessening of density. Processing the vasana seems quicker and easier. I’m now down to a very young buy stealing candy bars.
Now I’m down to a young baby in utero, hearing his parents arguing and saying to himself, “I don’t want to go out there.” This isn’t the first time I’ve had that memory. There isn’t a charge on it anymore.
Nothing wrong with my long-term memory!!!
I try on this feeling of despair and humiliation from my short career as a booster of chocolate bars, test it out, and see if it fits. Yes, there is resonance.
The way a young boy might feel being caught stealing candy bars is a puzzle piece that fits in the hole. One more puzzle piece restored. The picture should become clearer and clearer as the pieces are restored.
And I should feel more and more release at the same time. The truth will set me free.
I don’t need to figure it all out. If it resonates, that’s what I need to know. I can’t change events that have happened, but I can stop torturing myself. I can find a way out of humiliation.
Footnotes
(1) I use the term “vasana,” which refers to the seeds of future action, instead of “core issues” because, desiring a cross-cultural spirituality, I’d like to hook up western trauma therapy with eastern spirituality. There the same subject is discussed as vasanas. Eastern sources like Ramana Maharshi add a spiritual dimension to the discussion that is often lacking in western discussions. Western spirituality widens the scope of the discussion to take in “householders”; i.e., the general populace.
(2) See “Jeshua via Pamela Kribbe: The Third Way,” July 4, 2012, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/spiritual-essays/the-path-of-awareness/jeshua-the-third-way/. See also Vasanas: Preparing For Ascension by Clearing Old Issues at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Vasanas-Preparing-for-Ascension-R13.pdf
(3) This so reminds me of what psychotherapist John Enright said many years ago: “Unawareness leads to momentary relief and continuing pain; awareness leads to momentary pain and continuing relief.” (Awareness, Responsibility, and Communication Workshop, Cold Mountain Institute, January 20, 1979.)
