Cultivating Connection in a Disconnected World

Cultivating Connection in a Disconnected World

By Stephanie Sarazin

Posted on June 23, 2025

Physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual intimacy are all important for our collective well-being. So why aren’t we prioritizing them? (Hint: It may be technology.)

Oh, the pleasures of the modern world! Groceries are delivered to our doorstep within hours, drive-throughs dispense curated coffee in mere minutes, and endless entertainment options are available in just a couple of clicks. Sure, today’s conveniences save time, but what are we doing with that time? Two recent reports released by the US Surgeon General offer worrisome clues that we’re not using our saved time to meaningfully connect with our loved ones.

These reports, issued in 2023, reveal that American adults are experiencing an epidemic of loneliness, and that social media is likely negatively impacting the mental health of our tweens and teens. On closer examination, a more sobering sentiment surfaces: While technological advances allow us to connect faster and farther than ever, they also may be causing us to be lonelier than ever.

If that resonates, or if you realize that you’re in a relationship rut, consider why that may be. Are memes now your main mode of communication with friends? Do you text your teen more than talking face to face? Whether craving meaningful connection in your romantic, platonic, or familial relationships, getting honest about the role technology plays in life can be helpful to cultivating, restoring, or even deepening intimacy.

Reconnecting in Family Relationships

Sharing personal space with anyone fosters a unique dynamic. These are the people who see us in our many ages and stages, and we can often feel emotionally vulnerable around them. If you feel unsafe, separating yourself from those you live with may be wise. But if those you live with are provoking a normal amount of frustration, there are ways to improve those relationships.

Up until the last couple of decades, the average American family ate most of their meals together; however, that’s no longer the case. A combination of busy, conflicting schedules and the ease of pre-cooked, drive-through, or delivered meals means we are eating alone more than we are together. Committing to regularly scheduled face-to-face time—by sharing a meal or having a daily 10-minute check-in (perhaps over coffee or tea)—allows both parties to share and listen in real time.

If you don’t live with your family, or if distance makes in-person visits rare, technology can actually be of service. FaceTime them, schedule a Zoom call, or reach out over the phone in lieu of texting or emailing. Emerging research shows hearing a loved one’s voice is good for us, as it can nurture a sense of trust and help us feel seen and heard—because, unlike texting, we are seen.

Reconnecting in Friendships

Recent studies indicate that adults are reporting fewer close friendships than they once had. This decline is likely due in part to the rise of social media platforms that build “friends” and “followers.” We start by friending and following our families and former classmates, then our colleagues and community members. But soon enough, we’re accepting requests from people we don’t actually know, but know of. Eventually, our social media “friends” are totaling into the thousands and include our third cousins once-removed and every bridesmaid you stood with in your former friend’s wedding party. Prior to social media, these people would be called “acquaintances,” and both parties recognized one another as such. In today’s culture, the lines are less defined.

Taking an inventory of our friendships can help us gain clarity on who means the most to us. Be it two friends or 20, we can engage with intention and act from a place of sincerity in simply letting them know they are important.

Reconnecting in Romantic Relationships

When considering physical intimacy, it’s easy to understand why our smartphones, along with our tablets, laptops, and desktops, are causing trouble. Not only are we tech-addicted, but sexually explicit sites easily accessible across our devices are causing problems in the bedroom too. Social scientists are finding that consuming explicit sexual images impacts our brains, desensitizing both our mental and physical arousal centers. Ultimately, this rewires us in a way that is linked to sexual dysfunction in both men and women.

If you want to revive your relationship with sexual intimacy, commit to opting out of manufactured sexual imagery entirely. This kind of tech cleanse actually works to reset the brain. Also, consider practicing mindfulness when you’re sexually intimate. Before long, our neural pathways begin to form new tracks, allowing us to replace transactional sex with connected intimacy.

Taking an honest, personal inventory of all your relationships and your own behavior will help identify if tech is the culprit in disconnection. In doing so, be open to what you find—you may discover it isn’t a problem! However, if it is, tiny tweaks to your tech hygiene may help you to cultivate intimacy and connect more deeply.

Stephanie Sarazin

https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/tender-practices-to-honor-endings

The “No” Phase

The “No” Phase

Life Tapestry Creations

Channel: Brenda Hoffman

Posted on May 19, 2025

 

 

Dear Ones,

Many of you are beyond exhausted.  It is as if everything you do demands more energy than you have available.  An ongoing process of running from place to place or thoughts of, “I have to do this and this and this.”

Your mind and body are overloaded because you are both transitioning and exiting 3D.  You want to be there for those of 3D and those transitioning.  Plus, you want to mend the 3D inhumanity that seems overwhelming, yet you need to create your path, which takes more focus than you expected.  Even though you feel you are letting everyone down, you are too exhausted to do more.

It seems as if everyone is clamouring for your attention and demanding more of you than you have the energy to contemplate.  You cannot explain how convoluted your inner self feels at the moment, for those who might accept your need for quiet, private time are also emotionally needy.

You cannot do more, yet you expect more of yourself than others.  “Help me” is the overriding cry of those around you.  A scream so loud, you cannot hear yourself think or act.  So you jump from activity to activity that interests you, only to feel guilty because you are not taking care of the needs or interests of others.

You are exhausted from trying to fulfill two roles—a 3D caretaking human and a new you creation being.

You must protect yourself emotionally and physically by selecting those items that interest you and negating those that equate to caretaking or nurturing others.  Even though that may make you feel guilty, your mental health requires it.

The logical conclusion is allowing yourself to say no without guilt.  But that is not easy because those requesting your services ask for more than the task they want you to complete.  They are likely starting to transition and are silently asking you to make it better, easier, or faster, just as you requested from the Universes months or years ago.

You and those demanding your transition assistance are tired and irritable, wanting someone or something to make it easier.

This phase indicates you are no longer a 3D caretaker, for your personal needs are so demanding that you cannot help anyone. 

Perhaps you wish you could negate this phase because you feel others need your assistance as they traverse the transition road you have already traveled.  Or they are not transitioning, so they do not understand your needs.   

You cannot do more, nor can you comfortably return to a caretaking role for others, whether they are in the midst of their transition or need your former 3D being to do this and this and this.

It is over, even though you continue to be entangled in some or many of your 3D roles.  You do not have the energy to straddle both worlds.  So it is time to say, “No” to every piece that feels uncomfortable, wrong, or exhausting.

That which you might have done as a favor or because of your expectations just a few days ago is no longer of interest or a skill level for you.  You are a new being in a new world, and you must finally acknowledge that to yourself and others.  Even though it will likely be uncomfortable, it is time for you to give a definite “No” to requests that feel exhausting, make you angry, or produce little or no interest. 

No is your current word of choice.  Now allow yourself to choose it.  You are no longer of 3D, nor are you a caretaker.  You will not help others by carrying them; they must learn to care for themselves.

The next few days are about your liberation, not only from specific tasks you once took for granted but also from the guilt that results from daring to say, “No.” 

Personal freedom means just that.  You are not the emotional caretaker you once were.  Those demanding your caretaking, despite their ability to do much of what they require of you, must access their skills and capabilities.

Your life is no longer an image of you carrying someone on your back; instead, it is the two of you walking together, holding hands.

So be it.

 

Brenda Hoffman

http://www.lifetapestrycreations.com/

 

Copyright 2009-2023, Brenda Hoffman. All rights reserved. Please feel free to share this content with others, post on your blog, add to your newsletter, etc., but maintain this article’s integrity by including the author/channel:  Brenda Hoffman & source website link: 

http://www.LifeTapestryCreations.com

 

 

How Helpful Is Plant Medicine for Pain and Mental Health?

How Helpful Is Plant Medicine for Pain and Mental Health?

By Julie Peters

Posted on November 18, 2024

Many people report that plant medicines have helped ease their pain, anxiety, and depression. But it’s important not to see sacred plant medicines as “magic pills.” Explore more about the history and potential of plant medicines.

Plant medicines have been used for generations in many cultures to heal mental and physical health issues. When talk therapy was not an option (and before it existed), spirituality often met that need, helping people put their problems into a larger context to find hope and faith. Plant medicines have often assisted with that journey.

An Introduction to Plant Medicine

Medicines like ayahuasca and psilocybin mushrooms are known for their ability to bring on hallucinations. When these kinds of plant medicines are given in a ritual context, which usually includes guidance, safe boundaries, and trained sober guides, those hallucinations can spark useful insights and open the mind to seeing things in a different way.

Many people report that these plant medicine experiences help them by easing their pain, resolving health issues, calming anxiety, and dissipating depression, among other self-reported benefits.

While the benefits of plant medicines may be eye-catching, it’s important to note that both ayahuasca and psilocybin mushrooms are federally illegal in the US. (Ayahuasca is only legally utilized by a handful of “ayahuasca churches,” and psilocybin mushrooms are either legal or decriminalized in only Colorado, Oregon, and a handful of cities in other states.) Where these medicines are legal, it is important to do one’s research on the plant medicine retreats or treatments being offered and to consult with a trusted healthcare practitioner as you do your research.

A Therapist’s Perspective on Plant Medicine

In my experience as a counseling therapist who incorporates work with both the body and the imagination into her practice, it is incredibly helpful to be able to address mental health concerns in non-mental ways. The mind is very useful, but it can also get stuck in trauma-based patterns. To resolve trauma, I find we need to be able to talk to the body, the nervous system, and sometimes the spirit in order to really make movement toward change. One way to do this is through working with images and symbols, which plant medicines can help to bring to the surface.

I don’t personally use plant medicines in my practice—any therapist who does should be specifically trained to do so in a legal context. But I’ve also found that the kinds of insights and shifts that are experienced during plant medicine ceremonies can also be accessed through the imagination alone when we are properly guided. When we stop trying so hard to analyze and judge what’s happening to us and allow the body to share its wisdom, we can have major insights without needing to partake in plant medicine.

At the same time, it’s not easy for everyone to access their inner world. Sometimes we have defense mechanisms in place within us that help us feel safe. Many of us feel better in the realm of thought than the wild world of the spirit or the body. Plant medicines could lower inhibitions enough for someone to be able to access this wisdom without having to work so hard or struggle with old defensive patterns.

There’s also nothing wrong with needing a little help to create change in the ways we want to. Human beings don’t live in a vacuum, and we cannot expect someone to get better through willpower alone. Medication, food, lifestyle changes, therapy, and plant medicines are all examples of interventions that have the capacity to help us get better and live happier lives when utilized legally and with a skillful practitioner.

The Possibilities of Microdosing

Psychedelics could also be helpful in small doses that don’t induce hallucinations. Some people have been experimenting with microdosing psychedelic substances to see if the effects are helpful for mental health. This is theoretically a gentler, subtler way of working with plant medicines to assist with improving mental health.

Microdosing means taking a very small amount of a psychedelic, usually psilocybin or LSD (though LSD is a synthetic compound and not a plant medicine), on a semi-regular basis. This sub-hallucinogenic or sub-perceptual dose is intended to be used alongside a regular routine of life and work with the intention of subtly improving mood, empathy, and pain perception.

People who try microdosing are reporting lots of benefits, including improved focus, more regular menstrual cycles, more creativity, and more empathy. Some people also report more sensitivity and heightened emotions, which can be either a positive or negative effect depending on the person.

Side effects are generally minimal, especially with psilocybin. LSD can sometimes bring on anxiety, and too high a dose of psilocybin could cause an unwanted hallucination. Both drugs could also theoretically affect heart rate. The biggest risks at this point are the legal restrictions around such medicines, though they are being increasingly decriminalized and/or approved for medical use, especially as studies find benefits with relatively low risks.

Plant Medicines as Teachers

Studies on microdosing have shown plenty of self-reported benefits. Other studies show that microdosing has no greater effect than a placebo. Neuroimaging studies have, however, seen that these psychedelic medicines increase brain activity, serotonin levels, and neuroplasticity.

Plant medicines are somewhat difficult to study well. Changes in mood are subtle and subjective, and many studies rely on surveys and self-reports, which are notoriously difficult to measure objectively. But the cultures that have used these medicines for generations don’t think of them as magic pills to be used to cure unhappiness.

These plant medicines are teachers. They can shift our mental state, give us insights, and help us to feel our feelings—not just the positive ones, but the negative ones as well. Pharmaceutical medicines for mental health are commonly used to lift mood or numb negative experiences, while plant teachers are there to help us understand ourselves and our symptoms better. If we treat them like magic pills that make all our problems go away, we are really missing the point.

Julie Peters

• https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/how-helpful-is-plant-medicine

How Helpful Is Plant Medicine for Pain and Mental Health?

How Helpful Is Plant Medicine for Pain and Mental Health?

By Julie Peters

Posted on September 26, 2024

Many people report that plant medicines have helped ease their pain, anxiety, and depression. But it’s important not to see sacred plant medicines as “magic pills.” Explore more about the history and potential of plant medicines.

Plant medicines have been used for generations in many cultures to heal mental and physical health issues. When talk therapy was not an option (and before it existed), spirituality often met that need, helping people put their problems into a larger context to find hope and faith. Plant medicines have often assisted with that journey.

An Introduction to Plant Medicine

Medicines like ayahuasca and psilocybin mushrooms are known for their ability to bring on hallucinations. When these kinds of plant medicines are given in a ritual context, which usually includes guidance, safe boundaries, and trained sober guides, those hallucinations can spark useful insights and open the mind to seeing things in a different way.

Many people report that these plant medicine experiences help them by easing their pain, resolving health issues, calming anxiety, and dissipating depression, among other self-reported benefits.

While the benefits of plant medicines may be eye-catching, it’s important to note that both ayahuasca and psilocybin mushrooms are federally illegal in the US. (Ayahuasca is only legally utilized by a handful of “ayahuasca churches,” and psilocybin mushrooms are either legal or decriminalized in only Colorado, Oregon, and a handful of cities in other states.) Where these medicines are legal, it is important to do one’s research on the plant medicine retreats or treatments being offered and to consult with a trusted healthcare practitioner as you do your research.

A Therapist’s Perspective on Plant Medicine

In my experience as a counseling therapist who incorporates work with both the body and the imagination into her practice, it is incredibly helpful to be able to address mental health concerns in non-mental ways. The mind is very useful, but it can also get stuck in trauma-based patterns. To resolve trauma, I find we need to be able to talk to the body, the nervous system, and sometimes the spirit in order to really make movement toward change. One way to do this is through working with images and symbols, which plant medicines can help to bring to the surface.

I don’t personally use plant medicines in my practice—any therapist who does should be specifically trained to do so in a legal context. But I’ve also found that the kinds of insights and shifts that are experienced during plant medicine ceremonies can also be accessed through the imagination alone when we are properly guided. When we stop trying so hard to analyze and judge what’s happening to us and allow the body to share its wisdom, we can have major insights without needing to partake in plant medicine.

At the same time, it’s not easy for everyone to access their inner world. Sometimes we have defense mechanisms in place within us that help us feel safe. Many of us feel better in the realm of thought than the wild world of the spirit or the body. Plant medicines could lower inhibitions enough for someone to be able to access this wisdom without having to work so hard or struggle with old defensive patterns.

There’s also nothing wrong with needing a little help to create change in the ways we want to. Human beings don’t live in a vacuum, and we cannot expect someone to get better through willpower alone. Medication, food, lifestyle changes, therapy, and plant medicines are all examples of interventions that have the capacity to help us get better and live happier lives when utilized legally and with a skillful practitioner.

The Possibilities of Microdosing

Psychedelics could also be helpful in small doses that don’t induce hallucinations. Some people have been experimenting with microdosing psychedelic substances to see if the effects are helpful for mental health. This is theoretically a gentler, subtler way of working with plant medicines to assist with improving mental health.

Microdosing means taking a very small amount of a psychedelic, usually psilocybin or LSD (though LSD is a synthetic compound and not a plant medicine), on a semi-regular basis. This sub-hallucinogenic or sub-perceptual dose is intended to be used alongside a regular routine of life and work with the intention of subtly improving mood, empathy, and pain perception.

People who try microdosing are reporting lots of benefits, including improved focus, more regular menstrual cycles, more creativity, and more empathy. Some people also report more sensitivity and heightened emotions, which can be either a positive or negative effect depending on the person.

Side effects are generally minimal, especially with psilocybin. LSD can sometimes bring on anxiety, and too high a dose of psilocybin could cause an unwanted hallucination. Both drugs could also theoretically affect heart rate. The biggest risks at this point are the legal restrictions around such medicines, though they are being increasingly decriminalized and/or approved for medical use, especially as studies find benefits with relatively low risks.

Plant Medicines as Teachers

Studies on microdosing have shown plenty of self-reported benefits. Other studies show that microdosing has no greater effect than a placebo. Neuroimaging studies have, however, seen that these psychedelic medicines increase brain activity, serotonin levels, and neuroplasticity.

Plant medicines are somewhat difficult to study well. Changes in mood are subtle and subjective, and many studies rely on surveys and self-reports, which are notoriously difficult to measure objectively. But the cultures that have used these medicines for generations don’t think of them as magic pills to be used to cure unhappiness.

These plant medicines are teachers. They can shift our mental state, give us insights, and help us to feel our feelings—not just the positive ones, but the negative ones as well. Pharmaceutical medicines for mental health are commonly used to lift mood or numb negative experiences, while plant teachers are there to help us understand ourselves and our symptoms better. If we treat them like magic pills that make all our problems go away, we are really missing the point.

Julie Peters

• https://eraoflight.com/2024/09/25/how-helpful-is-plant-medicine-for-pain-and-mental-health/

You Come Across As Rude If You Use These 6 Phrases

You Come Across As Rude If You Use These 6 Phrases

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on July 21, 2024

 

Did you know that if you use certain words, you may come across as rude? That’s right. So, it’s always important to think twice before speaking.

Most people aren’t trying to intentionally come across as rude, but they often end up saying something regretful. People make mistakes. It’s important to note that certain figures of speech may sound mean when used in a particular context.

You see, helpful communication requires more than just the ability to say what you think. In fact, communication is an art, easy for some, but difficult for others.

Be careful not to come across as rude

Yes, it is important to evaluate every word before speaking. This lowers the risk of saying something that may be misunderstood.

Trust me, I am an expert in shoving my foot in my mouth and coming off as rude. It’s easy to do, and that’s why you should always carefully mull over those quick-witted statements you’re getting ready to fire. Here are a few examples of phrases that may come off as being rude.

1. “Calm down”

While this may not sound all that rude at face value, saying this to someone can be condescending. In a way, it invalidates what someone may be going through. Instead of saying “Calm down”, maybe it would be better to just listen. Yes, your intentions may not be to upset them, but inadvertently, that’s what could happen.

2. “It is what it is”

This is an interesting one, seeing as I’ve often said it. However, I will need to think twice before saying this again, now don’t you think? With a little research, I’ve discovered that saying this is simply a substitute for telling someone to stop complaining.

It’s a statement of finality, that whatever the situation is, you cannot change it. It’s rude, and it’s insensitive.

3. “Yeah, right”

This is a phrase that’s easy to say. Many times we say this in conversations, not understanding its implications. It’s usually used as a loose form of sarcasm and used flippantly.

But although you may not mean anything hurtful by the statement, it can come across as rude. It’s also a condescending figure of speech that makes you look and sound like a jerk. Although it may be easy to throw this one out there, consider holding it back.

3. “I’m sorry you feel that way”

Instead of apologizing, many people just say this instead, and it can be so offensive. And why is it so bad, you might ask?

Well, it’s a way to keep from apologizing and to retain a sense of innocence. You’re basically placing the blame on someone else for what you’ve done. So, instead of saying this, maybe just craft a well-worded apology, and mean it when you say it.

4. “That’s so cute”

Unless you compliment someone on what they’re wearing or how they look, saying “That’s cute” may not be the best move to make. This is especially true if the other person is doing something serious or trying to solve a problem.

Telling them they are being cute can come off as rude. When you do this, you downplay the efforts of others and call them silly or childlike. You’re also insinuating that you could do a much better job.

5. “I thought you’d know this”

This or a similar phrase is seen often in the workplace. Although people work at different paces, it is common to hear this type of criticism. And no, it’s not constructive criticism. It actually can come off as rude.

Never assume that just because you can accomplish a particular task, everyone else will be able to do the same thing in the same amount of time. And never say this phrase as a way to make things easier. It doesn’t.

6.“I told you so”

And the last one is a well-known phrase we’ve all been guilty of using. Saying, “I told you so” is just a way to make fun of someone for a mistake and let them know that you were right. It’s a way to express how you think you’re better than they are.

No, it’s not funny. It doesn’t even have a good intention attached to it either.

How to not come across as rude

Now that you’re familiar with a few rude phrases, you can transform your vocabulary to uplift others. It’s smart to practice being a better human, using kind and genuine phrases. Remember to steer clear of condescending statements and think before you speak, using introspection to filter your responses.

If someone is targeting you with rude statements, it’s okay to let them know you’re uncomfortable with what they say to you. Set verbal boundaries and stick with them.

No one will respect and love you in the same way that you love yourself. Keep this in mind. It is up to you to stand up for yourself and set the standard for how you want to be treated.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

84 Backhanded Compliment Examples That Are Insults

 84 Backhanded Compliment Examples That Are Insults

(and How to Fight Back!)

By Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Posted on April 6, 2024

 

 

Featured image by benzoix on Freepik

A friend of a friend once described me as ‘not unattractive’. I wondered, is that a compliment? What does it actually mean?

If I’m not unattractive, then surely, I’m attractive. But why phrase it that way? Maybe he didn’t want to compliment me. Either way, it sounded like a backhanded compliment to me.

But hey, listen, it was years ago; I’m really not that bothered. To prove how not bothered I am, here are 84 backhanded compliment examples.

What Is a Backhanded Compliment?

Before I start, what is a backhanded compliment? Backhanded compliments are insults disguised as compliments. Some are obvious, others are more thinly veiled.

I’ve searched the internet for the best examples of backhanded compliments.

84 Backhanded Compliment Examples

1. “Gosh, I wish I could be so relaxed about housework.”
2. “You know a lot for someone who doesn’t read.”
3. “What’s a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?”
4. “I met your kids today. They’re actually really polite.”
5. “You’re so lucky you have time to spend on a manicure.”
6. “You know, it wouldn’t take much decorating to get your house looking lovely.”
7. “I wish I had the confidence you do to dress like that.”
8. “Wow, those jeans really flatter your wide hips!”
9. “You’re attractive for an older woman.”
10. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter how you look. Lots of girls like nice guys.”
11. “I’ve seen smaller.”
12. “How on earth did you pay for that truck?”
13. “I can see how people may find you attractive.”
14. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to work.”
15. “Nice glasses! They totally make your nose look way smaller.”
16. “You look skinny when you hold your head up.”
17. “You’re such a hard worker. I could never leave my children with a sitter for that long.”
18. “You’d be a catch if I didn’t know you.”
19. “I love your car! My first car was that model.”
20. “Did you do something different? You look good TODAY.”
21. “I really enjoyed talking to you. I thought it was gonna be awful.”
22. “I wasn’t expecting you to be so articulate, considering your background.”
23. “I like the way you look; I don’t think thin girls are attractive at all.”
24. “I would never have guessed you lived in such an affluent area.”
25. “Wow, your skin looks so much better.”
26. “Aww. You’ll be a great mom.” (not pregnant)
27. “That’s not the ugliest shirt I’ve seen you wear.”
28. “I think it’s lovely you’ve finally found someone who accepts you the way you are.”
29. “You look really nice in this light.”
30. “I love your mustache!” (to a female)
31. “You know, you’d actually look quite sexy if you lost a few pounds.”
32. “I just feel so much smarter after talking with you.”
33. “I really admire how you don’t let housework stop your exercise regime.”
34. “You’ve got such strong features.”
35. “Your haircut really slims your face.”
36. “You might not be the prettiest, but you’re definitely the funniest girl I’ve dated.”
37. “You look amazing for someone that doesn’t wear makeup.”
38. “Well, you’re not the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen.”
39. “Your English is amazing.”
40. “What’s a smart guy like you working in a company like this?”
41. “You know, you’re pretty smart. I don’t care what other people say.”
42. “You’re so funny! But looks aren’t everything…”
43. “You’re really fast for your weight.”
44. “Thank you so much for dinner; my grandparents used to make that when they were hard up.”
45. “Your pimples have really cleared up.”
46. “You look really pretty in that picture. It doesn’t even look like you.”
47. “What you lack in grace, you make up for in eagerness.”
48. “You look good today. I almost didn’t recognize you.”
49. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty.”
50. “How did you get a job in that company? I hear they’re really picky.”
51. “I could never spend that much time on my appearance. I’m way too busy.”
52. “You couldn’t have done better.”
53. “It’s tough to underestimate you.”
54. “I always feel more intelligent after reading your work.”
55. “Hey, that’s a nice sweater! Do they make it in your size?”
56. “Don’t worry, you’re pretty on the inside.”
57. “You’re the sharpest bulb in the box!”
58. “You’re so lucky you don’t have any responsibilities.”
59. “You are a perfect example of how hard work and talent aren’t essential for success.”
60. “I love how you just wear anything.”
61. “Nice dress! Is it homemade?”
62. “You’re a much better kisser than your brother.”
63. “Oh hey, you’ve lost so much weight! I wouldn’t have recognized you if not for those awful jeans.”
64. “You look just like your sister. She has a big chin too.”
65. “That dress wouldn’t work on me; I don’t have the curves for it.”
66. “I hope your future is as pleasant as you are.”
67. “You’re so lovely when you make the effort.”
68. “Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time…and vice versa.”
69. “I actually want to marry you one day. You’re just so tolerable!”
70. “You’re so brave to go back to work and leave your baby with strangers.”
71. “You look like a hundred bucks.”
72. “You’re lucky you have tiny boobs, or you’d look like a slut.”
73. “I think you do really well with what you have.”
74. “The back of your hand is beautiful!”
75. “I like your outfit. It matches today.”
76. “She is SO FUNNY when she’s drunk.”
77. “Wow, you’ve got great makeup skills!”
78. “You’re not the ugliest girl I’ve dated.”
79. “I love that you’re not that skinny.”
80. “I hope you have the day you deserve.”
81. “I’d never be able to pull off that outfit!”
82. “You would make a great plus-size model.”
83. “You have no etiquette or sophistication, but I like that about you.”
84. “I promise, I did not mean to accidentally insult you.”

How to Respond to a Backhanded Compliment?

You may recognize some of the backhanded compliment examples above, but don’t know how to respond. Here are four ways to tackle them.

Call it out

If you feel able to, call out the backhanded compliment. One way to do this is to acknowledge the compliment part of the comment, then address the insult. For example,

“You’re such a hard worker, I could never leave my children with a sitter for that long,” respond with “Thank you for noticing I’m a hard worker, but your comment about leaving my children is hurtful,” or, “Do you realize what you’ve said is not complimentary?”

Or, have a look at these clever comebacks.

Ignore it

Some of us don’t feel confident enough to call out unacceptable behavior, so ignoring a backhanded compliment can be an excellent tactic. It doesn’t mean you’re letting someone insult you and get away with it. You’re saying,

“I don’t value your opinion, so it doesn’t even require a response.”

You can also change the subject to make your point.

Say ‘thank you’ to the compliment part

There are people who use backhanded compliments to elicit a response. You can ignore these people or thank them to shut them down. You don’t have to respond or justify your actions if they’re being deliberately rude.

Acknowledge the positive part of the comment as if you haven’t heard the insulting bit.

Find the humor

Finally, I recommend fighting back with humor. Take the insulting part and magnify it out of all proportion. For example,

“You look good in this light,” you can respond with, “I know! I specifically asked them to use soft lighting!”

Final Thoughts

Do you know any backhanded compliment examples? Has someone given you a backhanded compliment? Let me know in the comments section.

References:

• wikihow.com
• psychologytoday.com

Janey Davies

 

 

Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Sub-editor & staff writer at Learning Mind

Janey Davies has been published online for over 10 years. She has suffered from a panic disorder for over 30 years, which prompted her to study and receive an Honours degree in Psychology with the Open University. Janey uses the experiences of her own anxiety to offer help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.

 

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If You Tolerate These 8 Behaviors, You Lack Self-Worth

If You Tolerate These 8 Behaviors, You Lack Self-Worth

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on March 3 2024

 

How do you know if you lack self-worth? Well, sometimes it’s obvious by all about the behaviors you tolerate. It’s time to do inventory, don’t you think?

Being a tolerant person is okay when you’re trying to understand another person and their perspective. But it reveals that you lack self-worth when you start tolerating all behavior. You see, it’s important to guard your mental health, and part of that is not tolerating certain behaviors that prove to be toxic.

Revealing your lack of self-worth

To gauge your most accurate level of self-worth, it’s important to recognize what behaviors you’re accepting from friends, family, and loved ones. This also applies to coworkers as well, as your work relationship can be toxic.

If you’re giving others control of your self-esteem, you’re devaluing yourself. Here are some behaviors you may tolerate which reveal that you lack self-worth.

1. Verbal abuse

If you allow someone to speak to you in any way they please, then what does that say about how you view yourself? If a partner yells and you just stand there and take it, then something is wrong. Could it be that you think you deserve such garbage? Well, you don’t, and if this is happening, then put a stop to it.

Hopefully, you can walk away when the verbal abuse starts. Maybe you can even rethink your relationship. With family and friends, this applies in the same way. Do not tolerate verbal abuse.

2. Compromising your needs

Are you always the one who sacrifices what you want for someone else’s interests? If so, you may tolerate their selfish or pushy behavior because you don’t think what you want matters as much. It’s all part of having that lack of self-worth.

The healthy way to go about this situation is to be assertive in what you want, showing that your needs are just as important as what someone else’s needs. Too much compromise can kill your dreams and your self-worth.

3. Disrespect

Tolerating disrespect reveals many things about yourself. First, it shows your lack of self-worth. It also reveals your inability to say “No”. Yes, sometimes when you go along with everything, it means you cannot set clear boundaries in your life.

Everyone needs healthy boundaries to understand what should and should not be tolerated. So, to begin, practice saying “no”, and then all the rest will fall in place. Disrespect includes behaviors such as lying, talking behind your back, and invading your privacy, just to name a few.

4. Negativity

We all have that one friend who’s constantly spreading negativity. And we may feel like it’s important to remain friends with them because maybe others will not.

Unfortunately, negativity spreads, and when we tolerate this influence in our lives, it shows that we lack basic self-worth. Although trying to be kind to negative people is good, it’s also okay to love them from a distance. It’s not our job to fix them, it’s our job to fix us.

5. Constant criticism

We lack self-worth if we allow constant criticism. It’s not okay to let others consistently degrade or belittle us or the things we do. While not everything we do may be good for us, constant criticism is worse.

So, to heal our unhealthy self-esteem, we must limit our time around those who always put us down somehow. We can appreciate the good things about ourselves.

6. Manipulation

Manipulation comes in many forms, including gaslighting. I mention gaslighting because it is an especially toxic and powerful tool to bring down a person’s sense of self. If you tolerate such behavior, you already have a lack of self-worth, and have probably fallen victim to multiple instances of gaslighting.

To break this pattern of manipulation, you may have to remove yourself from the people who do this to you to see the truth. You are worthy. Never think otherwise.

7. Controlling behavior

Allowing controlling behavior is saying that you don’t feel confident in making your own decisions. This will continue as long as you feel this way. Some people sense your lack of self-worth and they use this to control everything you do.

This could come from parents, partners, friends, and many other people in your life. Having control over another person is powerful, but taking back control of your own life is even more powerful.

8. Ignoring boundaries

If someone crosses your boundaries, and you don’t say something to them, then you may lack self-worth. Maybe this person, whether a friend or family, thinks they have a right to cross these boundaries.

For example, even if your partner touches you and you don’t want to be touched, that is also crossing boundaries. Most people in relationships don’t realize this. You must have a strong sense of self to recognize this and speak up.

Repairing your self-worth

I mentioned a few things you could do to stop tolerating inappropriate behavior, but there are so many other things you need to keep in mind. It doesn’t matter what others think about your needs, boundaries, choices, or preferences, they’re important.

If you feel uncomfortable, say something. If you feel extremely uncomfortable, leave the location if you have to. But make sure you assert your self-worth as long as you are in a safe location.

I know there are instances where you cannot say or do things for fear of being berated or possibly hurt, but when the time comes, do what you need to do. The main point is to protect your self-esteem, and one day you can break free from the behaviors that enslave you.

Go forth, be you, and be free.

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

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