My dearest brothers and sisters,
This is Hakann speaking. I greet you in peace and love.
From our point of view, it is somewhat horrifying how the average Earth parent treats their children. Now, certainly there are good Earth parents out there. However, in many cases Earth children are treated as if they’re either little prisoners, or like they’re not fully human.
For example, forcing a child to sit still for a large parts of the day, for example during school, is something that we think borders on child abuse. Now yes, some children don’t really suffer from this, but other kids really aren’t wired that way. People wouldn’t even think it was acceptable to force all adults to sit still at a desk for hours at a time, so why subject your children to that?
Furthermore, some parents let their kids spend too much time behind screens.
Then you have situations where a child grows up with just one parent, which naturally leads a kid to wonder: was I not good enough for that one parent to stick around for? Was I not good enough for my parents to stay together for?
Growing up with one parent is normal in the sense that it happens on Earth all the time, but it’s not normal in the sense that it’s fine. It can be traumatic for a child to grow up with just one parent, and statistics reflect that children of single parents have way worse outcomes. Lots of people don’t realize how damaging this can be to a child.
School also trains children out of following their natural interests, because schools tell children: it doesn’t matter what you want to study, you will study this instead. In this way, schools numb children to their own natural curiosity and interests.
Then a lot of children are trained to stop listening to their bodies, because they’re told: you will eat this no matter whether you want to or not. You will sleep during these times, whether you want to or not.
Now of course, I am not saying that children should be allowed to eat candy and watch television all day. That’s the other extreme. A happy and healthy middle should be found between those two extremes.
Also, some children are more or less indoctrinated into the views of their parents, not really being presented with alternative worldviews or religions. Or the parent might have an attitude of: you’re technically free to choose what you want, it’s just that if you don’t believe in my religion then you’re going to hell. Or if you don’t adopt my political worldview then you’re part of the problem and harmful to society overall. And while that’s again “normal”, this is actually pretty heartbreaking if you think about it. You could almost call it emotional blackmail.
No wonder that Earth teenagers sometimes rebel so strongly against their parents.
Emotional neglect is shockingly common on Earth, from my perspective. It’s just that it’s hard to notice something that wasn’t there — in this case, sufficient love and attention — and therefore many people are unaware they were emotionally neglected.
Straight up physical abuse is thankfully somewhat rare, but a child not receiving enough love and attention is very common, and that by itself can be very damaging. Or a child only receives love if they achieve something, or they only receive attention if they get into trouble.
It’s not actually okay to give a child a lot of love and praise if they achieve something, and to be cold and critical towards them if they fail. That is almost like a parent treating their child as a dog that needs training. On one hand it makes a cold kind of rational sense. However on the other hand it can make people anxious to even try new things at all, because their parents and later their internalized parents may be harsh towards them if they fail. So, to avoid the pain, it’s safer to just not try.
And of course, there’s children bullying each other, or excluding each other, and adults not addressing this properly.
So, why am I saying all of this?
I am saying all of this because some of you are being held back by the belief that your childhood was fine, or that it was mostly fine, when it really wasn’t.
Of course, some people genuinely had fine childhoods.
And some people are already painfully aware that their childhood was damaging to them. And to those people, I am so very sorry. You are all beautiful and amazing, and you deserved so much better. No child deserves to suffer, and as a father, it breaks my heart and touches my soul to think about just how much suffering some children go through.
Childhood really isn’t supposed to be a prison, but for some children, it was.
You have my invitation to examine and wonder if your childhood was actually fine.
Just because you weren’t straight-up abused, just because your childhood was “normal”, doesn’t mean that your childhood was actually fine.
Did you receive the love that a child needs? Did you have a reasonable amount of freedom? Did your parents stay together and treat each other with love and respect? Were your parents present, not just physically but also in the sense that they saw the real you?
How did you feel during your childhood? Do you remember? And how were your teenage years?
Would you be fine with your own children living your childhood? If not, why not?
The unfortunate truth is that children don’t yet have the psychological tools and maturity and perspective that adults have, and so even relatively small amounts of pain or neglect can have deep, potentially life-long consequences. And that is really unfortunate, and this also makes it important for people to examine their childhood. Because awareness is the first step in healing.
Of course, people usually don’t want to conclude that their childhood was damaging to them. Not only can that be a very painful realization by itself, but it also often puts a person in conflict with their parents, who often think that their child had a normal and therefore fine childhood. And of course, people usually love their parents and don’t want to get into conflict with them or hurt them.
However, just because Earth children are hurt and controlled and slightly emotionally neglected all the time — just because those things are “normal” in the sense that they happen often — doesn’t mean that these things are fine. Those things can in fact be deeply painful and damaging.
Just because something happens all the time, doesn’t mean that it’s okay or harmless.
Just because something is normal, doesn’t mean it’s fine.
The good news here is that even just awareness, and feeling your emotions, can be healing in and of itself.
So: how was your childhood, really?
If you want, you are invited to share in the comment section.
With all my love and all the compassion in the world,
Your star brother,
