Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 18, 2026

Habits to Have a Baseline of Happiness


Habits to Have a Baseline of Happiness

By Leo Babauta

Post on August 18, 2026

Source

Someone told me recently that I’m one of the only people they know that seems to have a baseline of happiness. Most of the people they know, including themselves, are stressed, angry, anxious, overwhelmed, sad, etc.

It made me start to reflect: is this actually true? And if so, why is it true for me?

And I think it is true. I’m definitely not happy all the time — I have all the emotions everyone else has — but I do think my baseline is one of happiness and peace.

So why do I have this baseline? Part of it might be that I got lucky — I was born with brain chemistry that helps me. I think my mom also has a baseline of happiness, so it could be her genetics, or how she raised me. (I also had a dad who very much didn’t have happiness as his baseline, and his parenting definitely gave me some trauma to overcome.)

But I also think I’ve built on that with my own habits, mental and otherwise, that have helped me to have this baseline. I think these habits can help anyone, even if you weren’t blessed with good chemistry or a loving parent.

Let’s take a look.

My Habits of Happiness

I’ll start by saying that these won’t cure everything, nor are they easy fixes. They’re mental habits, and they take time to cultivate.

But here are the mental habits I’ve found to be helpful:

  1. Slow down & savor: This is the idea that Zen Habits is built on — don’t always try to rush through your day, to get on to the next thing. Instead, slow down, and savor moments as often as you can remember. Every moment is something to be savored, if we can just wake up to that.
  2. Be fascinated: So many of us get bored with life, or take the wonders of life for granted. Instead, what if we could get curious about the things we barely notice anymore? What if we could let our fascination lead us, instead of going through the motions?
  3. Everything is a lesson: When I’m frustrated with someone, or frustrated with myself, or things are not going the way I’d like … I have learned to see what I’m facing as a lesson in deeper wisdom. I try to pause and notice what this person, or this moment, has to teach me. My deepest lessons come from the hardest struggles.
  4. Enjoy progress, not only the result: I’ve come to enjoy every little bit of progress that I make. If I am inching along on a project, if my fitness journey is taking way longer than I hoped it would … I try to see what progress I’ve already made, and celebrate that. Even if it’s just a few steps. It means that I’m encouraging myself along the way, and that the end point is just one joyous point among many.
  5. Feel but don’t dwell: I find that it’s important to feel all the feels. If I get sad, I let myself really feel heartbroken. If I get angry, I let myself rage (not at another person though). I feel all of it. But then I’m done. It’s not helpful to dwell on the thoughts that cause the feelings.
  6. Try not to take things too seriously!: I like to take life lightly. I try to laugh at myself, and make a little fun in heavier situations (when appropriate!). This means that life can be lighthearted, which is always more fun!
  7. Practice gratitude & wonder: I started my journey toward happiness with a simple gratitude practice — I just listed 10 things I was grateful for that day. Often they were the same things (my family, my health, nature) but what this did was have me looking throughout the day for things I might take for granted but that I was glad was in my life. Later, I expanded that to seeing things that filled me with wonder. This is how we appreciate the miracle of everyday life.

This isn’t meant to be a comprehensive list — nor do you have to do all of these to be happy. They’ve just helped me tremendously over the years.

The hard part, of course, is forming these habits. Here’s what I’d recommend:

  • Pick one and set an intention to practice with it every day. Set reminders on your phone, and posted around your living and working spaces.
  • Try to catch moments when you can practice that mental habit. It’ll be hard at first, but you’ll start to catch it more and more.
  • Set a 5-minute review habit for the end of each day, when you try to notice when you practiced during the day and when you might have missed it. It’ll help you get better each day.
  • Do this for at least a month per mental habit. You’ll drop off a little at the middle of the month, but then try to recommit yourself to it and that’s when the real learning happens.

Be patient. It takes time. These are mental habits I’ve developed over years of practice. But they are so worth it.

with love,

Leo Babauta
Zen Habits


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Tuesday, May 6, 2025

What to Do When You’re Triggered

What to Do When You’re Triggered

By Leo Babauta

Posted on May 6, 2025


Whether it’s personal relationships, rude people, or crazy things happening in the world … we all get emotionally triggered sometimes. We get frustrated, angry, hurt, shut down, and so on.

The question isn’t “will I ever get triggered?” … it’s “what can I do when I get triggered?” This will be a quick guide.

The first thing is to notice that you’re triggered — your nervous system is activated and you’re upset. A lot of people don’t notice. They just take action in an angry or panicky way, which doesn’t usually lead to the best outcomes. So if you can notice you’re triggered, you’ll be able to do something about it rather than being on autopilot.

Second, take a moment to pause. That might mean taking a moment to just sit still and breathe. Or if you’re in an argument with someone, take a time out for a bit. Get out of the situation if possible. If that’s not possible, then take a few deep breaths.

Third, deepen and slow the breath. This might sound obvious to some, but it’s notable that few people actually practice this when they’re triggered, because in that moment of nervous system activation, we forget. So take a moment and slow down the breath. Deepen it into the belly instead of just the upper chest (shallow breathing). This slower, deeper breathing will shift your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode into a calmer mode.

Fourth, notice you’re caught in a narrative and probably an overreaction. You’re likely caught up in habitual thoughts about the other person, about yourself, or about the situation. “Why do they always have to do that?” and other thoughts like that. There’s nothing wrong with this narrative/thought pattern, but it’s probably an old pattern from long ago, and might not be the most helpful for you. Just realizing this is huge. It’s also good to realize that you’re likely reacting from some hurt from years past, and reacting from hurt is often an overreaction. There’s nothing wrong with overreacting when we’re hurt, but just realizing it is important.

Validate your feelings but don’t let them rule. Your feelings are your feelings — you’re not wrong for feeling them. Instead of telling yourself you shouldn’t be overreacting or you shouldn’t be upset … try acknowledging and validating your feelings. You can do that by just saying to yourself, “I’m upset. I’m hurt. And that’s OK, it makes complete sense to feel this way.” If you do that, you’ll allow your feelings to feel seen and acknowledged, and they can calm down a bit.

Find a healthy way to process your emotions and take a calmer action. Sometimes it can help to go for a walk, to vent to someone, to do some exercise to get the energy out, to scream into a pillow, or to soothe yourself. Once you’ve processed those emotions (don’t ignore them if you can), then find a calm action that will help yourself or the situation. For example, taking responsibility and apologizing can often help. Or sharing your feelings in a vulnerable way. Or speaking clearly but calmly about your boundaries. Or leaving the situation. What would be most helpful to everyone involved?

Leo Babauta
Zen Habits


Sunday, April 27, 2025

Permission

Permission

The Creator Writings

Channel: Jennifer Farley

Posted on April 27, 2025





There may be times where you are in a not so good space. Even when your intentions are good, it feels as if nothing makes sense and all is out of place. When this happens, please remember, it is ok to feel disappointed, upset or angry.

Do not punish yourself for it. At times, it is necessary to let these feelings out safely to move them out of the way and make room for happier things and thoughts to arrive.

You are human, give yourself permission to be one.


The Creator
 

Friday, June 7, 2024

Feelings

Feelings

The Creator Writings

Channel: Jennifer Farley





Posted on June 6, 2024
 

One of the true beauties of being human… choosing how you will feel every day.

Will you be upset or angry?
Will you be happy and joyful?
Are you going to be full of love or devoid of it?

The Universe understands that outside circumstances may make things challenging and it can be tough to discern what is yours and what is projected. It is, however, completely within your power to hold on or let go. Allow yourself the opportunity to learn this skill and, what once was hard will become easier with each passing day. 


The Creator
 
Jennifer Farley 

 Reminder discernment is recommended

 

Friday, June 23, 2023

Dreaming about an Ex You Don’t Talk to Anymore? 9 Reasons to Help You Move On

Dreaming about an Ex You Don’t Talk to Anymore?

9 Reasons to Help You Move On

By Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Posted on June 23, 2023





I often have dreams about an ex I don’t talk to anymore, and I’ve got a pretty good idea why. Our split was acrimonious; he was controlling and coercive and he damaged my self-esteem.

Freud thought dreams reveal hidden feelings. Dreams express our unresolved issues and desires. So, if you wonder what dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore means, here are 9 possible reasons:

9 reasons why you are dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore

1. You’ve been thinking about your ex

An obvious reason for dreaming about an ex is they’ve crossed your mind recently. Perhaps your current partner has said or done something that triggered thoughts of your ex.

Maybe it’s the time of year you associate with your ex, or you heard a song or watched a film that reminds you of them. Or I wonder if you’re having doubts about breaking up with your ex.

Think about why your ex came into your thoughts. It might be something simple or that you have unresolved issues.

2. You didn’t get the chance to state your feelings

Speaking of unresolved issues, people pop into our dreams because our subconscious is trying to make sense of our feelings. Your conscious mind may not want to deal with issues in the relationship. However, these issues are bubbling away under the surface.

When my last serious relationship failed, I didn’t say how I felt. I wanted to tell my ex how his actions affected me. Now, if I dream about my ex, I recognize these angry feelings. I look at where I am now. I remind myself I don’t need him to hear me out, or to get his explanation or apology.

3. You still have feelings for your ex

Dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore can mean you have feelings for them. Think about the context of the dream.

Was it romantic or sexual? Did you get back together with your ex? Were you on a date or living together? All these scenarios suggest you’re still attracted to your ex. If the dream wasn’t romantic or sexual, it could mean there’s something about your ex you miss.

Were they tactile and you miss the physical aspect of the relationship? Perhaps they were practical or dealt with the finances and you’re struggling on your own?

Dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore doesn’t mean you want them back. They could represent something you’re missing.

4. The relationship still damages you

If you suffered abuse or trauma during the relationship, you can harbor fears and emotions. Stress and worry during the day can manifest into dreams and nightmares.

What was your ex doing in the dream? Was s/he angry with you, shouting at you, abusing you, or ignoring you? These are all signs you’re still processing what happened during the relationship.

I sometimes dream I’m living in my ex-partner’s house without his knowledge and I’m afraid he’ll come home and find me there. When we were together, he would accuse me of flirting and cheating behind his back. I always felt guilty, even though I’d done nothing wrong.

Remember, dreaming is a safe way of processing fears and trauma.

5. The breakup was sudden without explanation


As human beings, we want answers and closure. It allows us to move on with our lives. When relationships end suddenly and without explanation, our mind works overtime to find out why.

Was there something you did? Why didn’t your ex tell you why they ended things? Are you not worth an explanation? Not knowing the reason a relationship breaks up leaves you with doubt and lingering questions. Your dreams are processing what happened to you as a part of healing.

6. Your ex symbolizes something else

Dream analysis suggests that people and objects can represent something else. Objects can have literal meanings and people can symbolize feelings or situations.

Consider how you feel when you think about your ex. Do you feel happy? Stressed or worried? Anxious and unsure? Now think about what is happening in your life. How do you feel about a current situation or the people in your life? Is there any correlation between your feelings about your ex and your waking life?

7. You feel hurt and are angry with your ex

Breaking up can feel like a bereavement. We experience feelings of grief and despair, especially if we didn’t want the relationship to end.

Recurring dreams about an ex can mean you’re still upset and angry with how things ended. When someone breaks our heart, we experience a range of emotions. We feel deep loss, desolation, helplessness, and even rage.

Your dreams are gently telling you it’s time to let go. Move on. Being angry at someone only hurts you. If you can’t move forward, perhaps it’s time to think about therapy, which can help process your thoughts.

8. You regret how you behaved with your ex

So far, I’ve been examining dreams about an ex you don’t talk to anymore, as if the breakup was not your choice. However, sometimes we regret the way we ended the relationship.

Did you take the easy way out and text or leave a voice message ending it? Maybe you ghosted your ex or kept provoking arguments to end it?

No one is perfect, and feeling guilt over your actions shows you are human. This dream is asking you to reflect on your actions and be more considerate in the future.

9. You are still in love with your ex


A simple explanation for dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore is that you’re still in love with them. This is true if your dreams revolve around getting back together or going out on dates. However, you might just be dreaming about your ex because you broke up recently and the breakup is still fresh in your mind.

Having recurring dreams of reuniting with your ex doesn’t mean this is a good thing or a possibility. Think about why you broke up. Was this person your soulmate? Did they deserve you? Are you just clinging on because you don’t want to be alone?

Final thoughts

We dream about issues that concern and occupy our minds. Dreams are a way of analyzing wishes and desires buried deep within our subconscious.

To understand why you are dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore, examine the context of the dream and look for hidden meanings within the symbolism. Only then you can analyze your dream and make sense of it.

References:

Featured image by Freepik


JANEY DAVIES


SUB-EDITOR & STAFF WRITER AT LEARNING MIND
JANEY DAVIES HAS BEEN PUBLISHED ONLINE FOR OVER 10 YEARS. SHE HAS SUFFERED FROM A PANIC DISORDER FOR OVER 30 YEARS, WHICH PROMPTED HER TO STUDY AND RECEIVE AN HONOURS DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY WITH THE OPEN UNIVERSITY. JANEY USES THE EXPERIENCES OF HER OWN ANXIETY TO OFFER HELP AND ADVICE TO OTHERS DEALING WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES.

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