Finding a Way Out of Humiliation

Finding a Way Out of Humiliation

By Steve Beckow

Posted on April 26, 2024

Two things I’m noticing seem to indicate where we are … OK, OK, I am … with the rising energies.

One is that people around me are starting to say they can’t remember why they went into the kitchen. Or what they were going to say.

All of a sudden I’m not alone in having a poor memory. I don’t feel so isolated!

All of a sudden the pressure on me is gone. And that’s a relief. I don’t wish the condition on anyone, but adding guilt to it is not helpful.

I may be attracting everyone with an over-developed forgetery, by the law of attraction. Whatever it is, in my view, it’ll all disappear with med beds or by us simply entering higher sub-planes through our gradual Ascension. So I personally am not worried.

The second thing that I’m noticing is that one vasana (core issue) after another is going off.  (1) I feel like the toothpaste tube being squeezed for the last bit.

Always I have the choice of processing the vasanas or projecting my anger onto the person before me, who is almost never the real “offender.”

But the cost of projecting them onto others is itself getting higher and higher. It feels as if it’s magnified.

I’m pretty sure I’m feeling more sensitively now than, say, five years ago, and that may explain why I feel the lower-vibrational states more keenly.

I also recall SaLuSa some years ago saying that our karma will be returning faster and faster as we progress. That’s a good alternate description of the circumstance.

The cost of not going with the flow towards the divine qualities and virtues is becoming tangible. My reactions to even small white lies is reaching the point of unpleasantness. The push towards change is becoming unmistakable.

I accepted that the path was strait and narrow, but I didn’t suspect how strait and narrow it would become.

***

In line with the squeeze of the rising energies, I’ve stayed with my minor disagreement with the restaurant manager for more than a week now, wringing the juice out of it, and another, deeper layer arose this morning.

It concerned an incident on a Toronto subway in around 1973. Not so strangely, when I studied karate, I found myself getting into one fight after another. How did that work? I wondered.

A man was bothering passengers and then he’d move on. When he came to me, I ignored him and he went away.

Nowadays I’d say I was guided back then not to engage. But back then I saw myself as having walked away. And it bothered me.

The same way I felt after that is the way I’m now feeling: Humiliated. I now had a name for the feeling that so far had been going on in the background of unconscious awareness.

That ancient vasana or core issue was triggered by this current event. In my mind, I walked away from a fight.

If I were projecting, I’d blame my feelings on the other person: “You made me….” I’m going to walk through the alternative: Experience the resisted feeling to completion.

Jesus outlined this path in “The Third Way.” (2) I’m experiencing the resulting feeling of humiliation to the fullest so that it can pass in its own time and release me. Resist it and the two of us wrestle with each other forever. What we resist persists, Werner Erhard reminded us.

Immediately upon identifying the feeling as humiliation, I flash on a second humiliating event when I was asked on the spot (that is, without warning) to address the 50th reunion of my high school, as its former school president.

I discussed some of the things you and I talk about and how I was looking forward to our future. The hall was silent. I asked someone to speak for the group and was told that maybe this wasn’t the time to be discussing things like that.

How clumsy of me to think that we could talk about out there what we talk about in here. That lesson stung and has stayed with me.

Not yet. After the emergency broadcasts perhaps, when things probably will have changed.

Meanwhile, the people in my building think I’m crazy, apparently, because I talk about med beds.  So, yes, humiliation – it seems to go with the territory of seeking the new.

So, right at this moment, I’m feeling into humiliation.

What is this? The moment I began to extend my awareness and search for humiliation with my inner radar, I felt it for an instant and then it vanished.

Wow! All that resistance against feeling humiliation for all these years, and, when I opened to experience it, it vanished in an instant? (3)  I have to say that, in all my years processing vasanas, I’ve never seen an unpleasant feeling vanish that quickly upon being recognized, acknowledged, and experienced.

Write that down. I assert that that’s another indication of the impact of the rising lovelight energies.

***

But I’m not left there in peace for long. Very soon I detect yet another layer. This one is a young boy who was caught doing wrong and feels like his life is about to fall apart.

Stealing a chocolate bar. Stealing a can of rock candy. That’s about as bad as it ever got. But being caught felt like my life was over.

It discussing these incidents, it isn’t the disagreement that I’m pointing to. It’s what the incidents say – or what the ease of processing them says – about the lessening of density.  Processing the vasana seems quicker and easier. I’m now down to a very young buy stealing candy bars.

Now I’m down to a young baby in utero, hearing his parents arguing and saying to himself, “I don’t want to go out there.” This isn’t the first time I’ve had that memory. There isn’t a charge on it anymore.

Nothing wrong with my long-term memory!!!

I try on this feeling of despair and humiliation from my short career as a booster of chocolate bars, test it out, and see if it fits. Yes, there is resonance.

The way a young boy might feel being caught stealing candy bars is a puzzle piece that fits in the hole. One more puzzle piece restored. The picture should become clearer and clearer as the pieces are restored.

And I should feel more and more release at the same time. The truth will set me free.

I don’t need to figure it all out. If it resonates, that’s what I need to know. I can’t change events that have happened, but I can stop torturing myself. I can find a way out of  humiliation.

Footnotes

(1) I use the term “vasana,” which refers to the seeds of future action, instead of “core issues” because, desiring a cross-cultural spirituality, I’d like to hook up western trauma therapy with eastern spirituality. There the same subject is discussed as vasanas. Eastern sources like Ramana Maharshi add a spiritual dimension to the discussion that is often  lacking in western discussions. Western spirituality widens the scope of the discussion to take in “householders”; i.e., the general populace.

(2) See “Jeshua via Pamela Kribbe: The Third Way,” July 4, 2012, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/spiritual-essays/the-path-of-awareness/jeshua-the-third-way/. See  also Vasanas: Preparing For Ascension by Clearing Old Issues at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Vasanas-Preparing-for-Ascension-R13.pdf

(3) This so reminds me of what psychotherapist John Enright said many years ago: “Unawareness leads to momentary relief and continuing pain; awareness leads to momentary pain and continuing relief.” (Awareness, Responsibility, and Communication Workshop, Cold Mountain Institute, January 20, 1979.)

Steve Beckow

• goldenageofgaia.com/

 

 

Therein Lies the Work

Therein Lies the Work

By Steve Beckow

Posted on May 12, 2023

Will Rogers as the 1931 Connecticut Yankee

If the Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court went forward in time to this age, what would he see?

Well, first of all, he wouldn’t travel to King Arthur’s court; he’d be surfing the Internet.  And his liege lord, Arthur, wouldn’t be worrying about his wife running off with his chief knight.

The current ruler would probably be worried about being offed, if they’re not already replaced by a clone or masked actor.

And the ones doing the offing would be worried about their heads as well.

And it wouldn’t be just the realm that would be in peril. If you listen to the mockingbird heralds of today – hear ye, hear ye – the whole world would be in peril.

And from several sources. Uhhh, manmade climate change. Mmmm, multiple manmade pandemics. Errr, manmade energy scarcity. What happened to killer bees? Manmade?

How did we get here, pray tell?

I have a private opinion. You can agree with me or toss it, as you wish.

I think it all stems from us giving in to the same impulses on a social level which today, on a personal level, ruin marriages, businesses, all good ventures. We extend out into the social sphere the very impulses that eat away at our marriage and family structures.  Or am I the only one who does?

Resentments, judgments, malintentions, gossip, all the flotsam and jetsam of billions of ruined lives. On and on, down through time via .. what did Michael call it? – “legacy learned behavior.” (1) Excellent description. Intergenerational transfer. Like father like son.

I’ve actually stopped the clock at times when I’m acting poorly, and I hear “that’ll teach him a lesson.” I can see my Dad and hear him speaking as if in an inner movie. In my anger, I’m copying the behavior.  It’s the only movie I have and the only one that plays. Otherwise I have to consciously reject it, assuming I’m even aware of what’s going on.

In fact I didn’t want to be a father because I knew that the only movies I had in my head were unsuitable for parenting. I wanted to stop the intergenerational transfer but for me that meant no parenting at all.

Meanwhile, the rising love energies are going to squeeze all the bad thoughts out of us. But anyone who feels like taking the “emergency exit” out of their own private collapsing world should know that they can handle the matter without leaving, by processing these disagreeable thoughts and words. (See fn 2)

Here comes the bad news, to some: We do it, not by projecting our bad thoughts and feelings outwards, scalding others, which feels good for a moment but bad for a lifetime.

We do it by experiencing our thoughts and feelings to completion, which feels bad for a moment but good for a lifetime.

But therein lies our work.

We’re looking for the original incident that bent the twig and inclined the tree, on the premise that the truth will set us free. And it will set us free. We can use an increasing sense of release to guide us.

That’s a change of direction and it made all the difference in the world to me.  It’d be as if people were now saying “I love you” to you, instead of “why don’t you [fill in the blanks]? ”

Or like me, at the Safeway. Clerks are smiling at me instead of giving me a look that says, “Who is this jerk?” This is so new to me that I often stop and stare at them.

Meanwhile, in the wider world, so few people seem to make eye contact right now. We seem to feel, not defeated, but deflated after Covid. Will it take time or a gigantic effort or a Wave of Love to jackhammer us out of what appears to be a social malaise?

Footnotes

(1) AAM, March 28, 2019. We take inner movies of our parents’ and siblings’ “bad behavior” and that becomes the raw resource we unconsciously draw on and act out later. The result is that we become like our parents’ worst sides as well as their best, without knowing it. Thus is bad behavior perpetuated and works its way outwards.

(2) See “How to Handle Unwanted Feelings: The Upset Clearing Process,” December 29, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/12/29/how-to-handle-unwanted-feelings-the-upset-clearing-process-2/, also a chapter in Vasanas: Preparing For Ascension by Clearing Old Issues at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Vasanas-Preparing-for-Ascension-R2.pdf.

A vasana is a patterned response to an earlier traumatic situation. It includes a conclusion, a decision, assessments, strategies, etc., etc, that govern future behavior.

Steve Beckow

• https://goldenageofgaia.com/