7 Phrases Emotional Abusers Use to Gain Control

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7 Phrases Emotional Abusers Use to Gain Control

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on August 22, 2026

Emotional abusers are tricky, and they use certain phrases to manipulate you. Many of these statements may seem ordinary at first, so beware.

Emotional abusers are everywhere. They may be a member of your family, one of your friends, or even your partner. But the problem is they’re good at hiding what they are, so it’s not always easy weeding them out. People with narcissistic tendencies and other toxic individuals do, however, display telltale characteristics.

Phrases emotional abusers say

Here’s the thing: pay close attention to what people say to you. If it feels off, there’s a good reason for this intuition. You could be, in fact, dealing with someone who has emotionally abusive tendencies. Here are a few common phrases emotional abusers use.

1. “You’re never satisfied”

What this really means is:

“You’re not accepting my bare minimum effort in our relationship, and this makes me uncomfortable knowing that I should try harder.”

Does that sound familiar to you? If it does, then you could be dealing with emotional abusers. And it’s not that you’re not satisfied at all. You just deserve quality treatment and you’re not getting that.

2. “Everyone thinks you’re crazy”

What this really means is:

“You’re getting too close to revealing my true nature, so I must make you look crazy to divert everyone’s attention.”

I bet you’ve been called crazy before when all you’re doing is trying to reveal the truth. You see, emotional abusers lose ground when cracks start to appear in the façade they’ve created. They must maintain control over you, and so they choose to use gaslighting to do so.

3. “You’re much too sensitive”

What this really means is:

“You’re causing me problems with your emotional needs.”

If something upsets you, then you have every right to express your emotions and seek support from loved ones. Never let anyone tell you that you’re too sensitive about any given subject of concern. You should never have a limit on grieving or frustration, either.

This statement is so toxic and you will know that you’re dealing with an emotional abuser if they say this.

4. “No one knows you as I do”

What this really means is:

“I am working really hard to isolate you from everyone you know and love, so listen to me.”

And I am not exaggerating when I say this either. An emotional abuser will pull out all the stops to isolate you. It’s the only way that they can prove they are the closest person to you–because they’ll make themselves the only person you associate with if they’re successful. This is terrifying, so recognize this statement for what it really means.

5. “You’re overreacting”

What this really means is:

“I am uncomfortable with how upset you are with me. It disrupts my ability to convince you that I’m perfect and blameless”

An emotional abuser will do something negative to you, and then when you get upset, they will downplay what they’ve done. But listen, you are valid in your anger and aggravation with them if they did something that hurt you.

This is especially true if it was due to their negligence or lack of responsibilities. Pay close attention to this condescending statement.

6. “I was just joking”

What this really means is:

“Darn, what I said really made you mad, and I cannot think of another way to flip it around. So, I will just act like it was a joke and make you feel bad for not getting my joke. Jokes on you! ha.”

I’ve had this done to me so many times. When someone did this to me the first time, I felt bad for not recognizing the joke. But then I paid attention to how many times they used this statement. I realized that they’d bit off more than they could chew when insulting me, and this made them backtrack.

The quickest way they knew how to recant the statement was to say it was a joke. Cunning and calculating, isn’t it?

7. “Look what you made me do”

What this really means is:

“I screwed up, but not to worry, I will blame you.”

No matter what the emotional abuser does to you, they will try to convince you that it’s your fault. If they cheat on you, it’s because you didn’t pay enough attention to them. If they lie to you, it’s because you have anger issues and they are afraid to tell you the truth.

There’s always going to be some reason why the abuser’s negative actions are the fault of someone else. This toxic individual has few responsibilities for their heinous ways.

An emotional abuser’s deadliest weapon is their words

Abuse in all forms is scarring and can lead to emotional damage that takes years to heal. And sometimes you don’t even know when it’s happening until you’ve been in this type of situation for a very long time.

Emotional abuse not only hurts you, but it also convinces you that you’re not worthy. And this is the biggest lie of all. And if you don’t remember anything else about this article, I want you to know that you are more than worthy, beautiful, and amazing.

If you’re living with an emotional abuser, do not hesitate to seek professional help if needed. While there are many things you can do on your own to combat this type of abuse, it can still sneak inside and infect you with its toxic imprint.

You must be a very strong person to withstand some of the tactics used by the emotional abuser. So remember, find that support system and keep talking about these things until we’ve made a huge difference in our lives and the lives of many other victims of this abuse.

Hope you have a wonderful day.

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

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How to Annoy a Passive-Aggressive Person: 13 Clever Ways to Fight Back

How to Annoy a Passive-Aggressive Person: 13 Clever Ways to Fight Back

By Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Posted on March 10, 2023

If you’ve ever had to deal with a passive-aggressive person, you’ll know how frustrating it is. Passive-aggressive behavior takes many forms. From silent treatment to rolling eyes or even backhanded compliments.

The problem lies in its ambiguous nature. Often you don’t realize you have been the victim of a passive-aggressive person. Or, you don’t have time to think of a witty response. So, if you want to know how to annoy a passive-aggressive person, read on.

First, let’s examine types of passive-aggressive behavior.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior: What Does It Look Like?

Passive-aggressive behavior is conveying anger through indirect or surreptitious ways. Passive-aggressive behavior can be verbal or physical.

Types of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

VerbalSarcasm

Silent treatment

Sulking

Telling jokes or saying things that are not funny

Playing the victim

Patronizing comments

PhysicalConstant lateness

Social exclusion

Procrastination

Withholding affection

Incompetent behavior

Gossiping behind your back

Rolling the eyes/sighing/yawning

I want to show you examples and suggestions of what you can do. Here’s how to annoy a passive-aggressive person.

How to Annoy a Passive-Aggressive Person – 13 Ways

1. Sarcasm: Reply with sarcasm

Sarcasm is a way of appearing witty, but it comes with a nasty underlying tone. If you want to know how to annoy a sarcastic passive-aggressive person, have a bank of replies ready. Here’s a few:

“It’s so refreshing to see that not everyone is obsessed with appearances.”

“You’re really clever; you must be right at the top of the bell curve.”

“You’re like those idiot savants; without the savant part.”

“I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.”

“I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.”

“I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”

“I admire how you don’t care what other people think of you.”

2. Silent treatment: Ignore them and have fun

Giving someone the silent treatment is typical passive-aggressive behavior. This is because the person avoids confrontation without saying a word. They can also pretend that nothing is wrong if you call or text, that they were busy or didn’t see your messages.

They are happy while you are in the dark. The silent treatment is a way of controlling you. But how to annoy a passive-aggressive person who is saying nothing? How to break silent treatment? Ignore it.

When someone gives you the silent treatment, they want it to affect you. They want to know how terrible you’re feeling, wondering what is wrong with them. The best way to annoy passive-aggressive behavior like this is to play them at their own game.

Ignore them. Get on with your life. Post on social media. Go out with other friends. Eventually, they will break their silence.

3. Sulking: Do your own thing

Sulking sets the atmosphere. It’s that ‘Fine, whatever’ response. This brooding, moody behavior permeates the whole relationship. After all, it’s difficult to have fun and be upbeat with someone in the corner, looking like a wet weekend. So, how do you stop a sulker?

Do your own thing. Let the person know you are in a good mood, and you don’t want to spoil it. If they cannot tell you what is wrong, you’ll just leave them to sort it out themselves. You are more than happy to discuss any issues, but you won’t put up with sulking; that’s what children do.

4. Telling jokes or saying things that are not funny: Ask for an explanation

Do you get accused of being too sensitive? Have you been told you’ve got no sense of humor? That you can’t take a joke? Manipulators conceal hurtful words under the guise of “I was only joking.” Or they accuse you of being super-sensitive.

This is a bullying tactic with a double whammy; the person gets away with saying something awful and trashes your reputation.

Take the sting out of a rude remark cloaked as a joke by asking the person to explain it to you. You can even act a little self-deprecating by apologizing for not ‘getting it’. Keep at them, saying

“Sorry, I just don’t understand the joke.”

5. Playing the victim: Annoying responses

We see passive-aggressive behavior in those who play the victim. It undermines someone else’s achievements or gains them sympathy.

Examples of playing the victim look like this, and if you want to know how to annoy a passive-aggressive person, have a look at my responses:

“I never had the chances you had, otherwise I could have a successful career.”

Response: “We can only dream and wonder.”

“You’re lucky. You’ve always had supportive parents. I’ve had to fend for myself.”

Response: “You little trooper! Gosh, I honestly don’t know how you’ve managed all these years.”

“You’d be late all the time if you were as busy as me!”

Response: “We’re all busy love. Maybe my time management is better than yours.”

“I wish my life was as easy as yours.”

Response: “I know. I’ve worked hard to get where I am.”

6. Patronizing behavior: Agree with them/Ignore them

People mask passive-aggressive behavior with patronizing remarks. These remarks appear as words of wisdom, encouragement, or friendly advice. In fact, they are controlling behavior, designed to tip you off balance and lower your self-esteem.

If you want to play them at their own game, you can agree with their statements, or embarrass them into silence.

For example:

“Oh, my dear, don’t worry about it. It’s far too complicated for you.”

Response: “Gosh, thanks, my little fluffy-filled kitten head nearly exploded!”

“Well, aren’t you looking better?!”

Response: “It’s all the colonic irrigation treatments, but thank you for noticing.”

“We’re so happy you’ve finally managed to find a boyfriend; we were getting worried!”

Response: “Oh don’t worry, I’ve been making up for lost time in the bedroom, if you see what I mean!”

“I can see you’ve made a genuine effort with that casserole. Well done for trying.”

Response: “Yes, I’m not an excellent cook like you. I’m better at sex.”

You can also ignore what they’ve said and walk away. If you like, pretend you haven’t heard what they’ve said. Their goal is to get a reaction from you. By walking away, you are deflating their goal.

7. Constant lateness: Tell them an earlier time

I only have one simple tip for you if someone is constantly late and you’re fed up with it. Lie.

Tell them it is Wednesday if they have a Friday deadline. Inform them that the meeting starts at 1.30pm if they have to attend it at 2pm. If you’re meeting for lunch, tell them it’s brunch. If they’re always late, rewinding time ensures they arrive on time, and you’re not stressed.

8. Social exclusion: Be direct

It’s not nice to be excluded from a party or event. Leaving someone off the guest list is typical passive-aggressive behavior. You might only find out after the event through gossip or social media.

Leaving someone out is sneaky but deliberate. The person doesn’t want to confront you, but they want you to feel isolated.

You can annoy passive-aggressors like this by direct confrontation. So, say something like:

“Oh, how was your party? Did many people turn up? I’m sorry I missed it, but I had to work.”

9. Procrastination: Set consequences

I had a housemate whose only job was to clean the bathroom. I did everything else. He hadn’t done it for three months and it was coming up to Christmas when we had guests staying. Christmas Eve arrived, and he still hadn’t done it. I ended up cleaning it.

He would say things like:

“You don’t have to keep reminding me.”

“I’ll get round to it when I have time.”

“It’s hardly important, is it?”

After Christmas, I put my foot down. I used to do all the cooking and shopping and would leave him a meal every day. The first day I didn’t cook for him he asked where his dinner was. I told him, clean the bathroom and I’ll cook for you. He started getting takeaways and ready meals, but soon found it too expensive.

After a week, I came home to a sparkling clean bathroom. That’s how to annoy a passive-aggressive person who is procrastinating.

10. Withholding affection

This is a manipulative way to behave. Not wanting sex, turning away from a kiss or hug is demoralizing. My advice? Be all over your partner like a rash.

I do this with my dogs. As part of our playtime, I give them lots of love and kisses. If your partner gets stroppy, tell them you’ll find someone who wants affection.

11. Incompetent behavior

Excuses such as ‘I don’t know how to load the dishwasher’ or ‘You are a better cook than me’ or ‘I never do the housework as good as you’ don’t cut it with me.

I had a boyfriend once that couldn’t do his laundry. So, I showed him how to work the washing machine. We are talking about grown adults here people.

12. Gossiping behind your back

Badmouthing a person has many root causes. But that’s a different article. If someone is gossiping behind your back, the best way to annoy them is to embarrass them.

Call them out but passive-aggressively. Say to them you’ve heard someone is spreading rumors about you and what sort of lowlife would do that? How can a friend stoop to such levels? They must be insecure and stupid.

13. Rolling eyes/Sighing loudly/Yawning

This sort of passive-aggressive behavior makes the person feel superior. They’re showing boredom or disagreement, but in a conspiratorial way, behind the person’s back.

Bring their behavior to everyone’s attention. Annoy the passive-aggressive perpetrators with comments such as:

‘Have you got something in your eye?’ ‘Oh, *waving hands around* did you forget to brush your teeth today?’ ‘Were you up all night masturbating?’

Final Thoughts

Passive-aggressive behavior is insidious, cowardly, and downright irritating. Fight back with my tips on how to annoy a passive-aggressive person.

Featured image by luis_molinero on Freepik

Janey Davies

Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Sub-editor & staff writer at Learning Mind

Janey Davies has been published online for over 10 years. She has suffered from a panic disorder for over 30 years, which prompted her to study and receive an Honours degree in Psychology with the Open University. Janey uses the experiences of her own anxiety to offer help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.