10 Signs of Ill-Wishers in Your Circle Who Set You Up for Failure

10 Signs of Ill-Wishers in Your Circle Who Set You Up for Failure

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on March 31, 2023

Friendships are important to your overall health and wellbeing. But be careful, the friends in your social circle could be secretly wishing for your failure in life. Are there ill-wishers among your friends?

Whether you care for social aspects in life, it is healthy to socialize and make friends. To extroverts, this may be easy and come naturally. Even introverts have a carefully selected friend group.

However, there are those friends who pretend to like you, and meanwhile, they secretly hope that you fail.

Are there ill-wishers in your circle?

There are signs of ill-wishers within your social group. While it may be difficult to pick them out, if you look closely, you can see the telltale indicators.

So, what are some of the signs that your friends aren’t rooting for your success? Let’s look.

1. Highly competitive

There is nothing wrong with being a little competitive with friends. However, if you have someone in your social circle that constantly competes against you, they probably don’t want you to succeed in life.

Pay attention to that person or persons who always tries to “one-up” your achievements. They really don’t want you to win at anything.

2. Constantly breaking your boundaries

Friends in your social circle that have your best interests in mind will respect your boundaries. But ill-wishers will always find ways to break them.

For instance, you probably have boundaries revolving around your standards and morals, and people who secretly want you to fail will constantly push these boundaries.

3. They regularly insult you

Those friends who wish you ill may question your beliefs and insult you because of things you do not tolerate. These are usually individuals who generalize your dislike and call it hatred, which are two different things.

Maybe they figure if they accuse you of having hatred all the time, you will change your standards and accept things you feel are abusive. This can ruin your life, and they know this.

Insults can come in many ways from insulting your looks to your emotions, but it’s all designed to bring you down.

4. Encouraging your bad behavior

Let’s be honest, we all have certain bad behaviors. But ill-wishers encourage our darker side, and it’s usually for two reasons: Our negative actions are entertaining, and they love to watch us crash and burn.

Think about those friends who neg you into driving fast and breaking the law, do you really think they have your best interests in mind?

What about the friend who suggests you physically confront someone who has wronged you, what do you think that shows?

5. There’s no support

There’s also another sign of an ill-wisher that may not be as obvious as the others. Some friends may not be noticeably mean or toxic, but they just might not care about you.

It could be a subtle indicator that shows they don’t support you like having little to say when you announce a success story. Although you get excited when they fulfill a dream, they don’t seem to reciprocate this excitement.

In fact, their lack of care could be silent resentment. It could be that they do notice, they are jealous, and so they refuse to be happy for you. Deep down inside, they want you to fail so they can shine.

6. They love to use you

Friends who really don’t care about your success will use you for their own gain. While they may tell you that they support and love you, their actions will prove otherwise.

They may call you constantly for advice or knock on your door, but when you need help, they are nowhere to be found.

7. Highly judgmental

You may do something that isn’t all that positive, but an ill-wisher will blow this out of proportion. Then they will judge you for this slight.

Even after weeks or months, they will bring up this “failure” to remind you that you’re imperfect. Mentally healthy people don’t do this.

8. Lying and gossiping

If you find out that a friend in your social circle is spreading gossip about you, it’s probably because they’re trying to take you down. Why? Well, there could be a couple of reasons.

They may have just singled you out if they perceive weakness, or they have some grudge from who knows when.

Either way, they are ill-wishers in your life. They do not want you to succeed. If you succeed, it will be more difficult to talk negatively about you. And most of the time, the ones who gossip are the nicest ones when face to face.

9. They triangulate you

Fake friends will triangulate you from your friends and family. In case you don’t know what this means, triangulation is when a particular friend will lie or gossip about you in an attempt to get closer to your family or friends.

Their goal is to isolate you from your loved ones. It literally feels like people you love are being stolen from you. And most of the time, these people are your greatest support system. Pay close attention to this sort of behavior.

10. Covert abuse

Any type of toxic behavior is used to make you fail. There’s just no other reason for using this type of tactic. And the behavior can be covert abuse – not easily recognizable.

Things such as gaslighting, deflecting, and failure to take responsibility can go under the radar. Before you know it, life is all about them and your dreams are on the backburner.

Pay close attention to every little detail once you get a whiff of abusive behavior.

Good wishers are healthy friends

Obviously, we want friends who support us and help us succeed in life. So, to do that, we must know the difference between those who wish us well and those who wish us ill outcomes.

I hope with this list of signs you can recognize who is rooting for you and who is setting you up for failure. And when you do see the truth, I hope you have the strength to remove those ill-wishers from your life. I wish you the best!

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

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How to Annoy a Passive-Aggressive Person: 13 Clever Ways to Fight Back

How to Annoy a Passive-Aggressive Person: 13 Clever Ways to Fight Back

By Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Posted on March 10, 2023

If you’ve ever had to deal with a passive-aggressive person, you’ll know how frustrating it is. Passive-aggressive behavior takes many forms. From silent treatment to rolling eyes or even backhanded compliments.

The problem lies in its ambiguous nature. Often you don’t realize you have been the victim of a passive-aggressive person. Or, you don’t have time to think of a witty response. So, if you want to know how to annoy a passive-aggressive person, read on.

First, let’s examine types of passive-aggressive behavior.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior: What Does It Look Like?

Passive-aggressive behavior is conveying anger through indirect or surreptitious ways. Passive-aggressive behavior can be verbal or physical.

Types of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

VerbalSarcasm

Silent treatment

Sulking

Telling jokes or saying things that are not funny

Playing the victim

Patronizing comments

PhysicalConstant lateness

Social exclusion

Procrastination

Withholding affection

Incompetent behavior

Gossiping behind your back

Rolling the eyes/sighing/yawning

I want to show you examples and suggestions of what you can do. Here’s how to annoy a passive-aggressive person.

How to Annoy a Passive-Aggressive Person – 13 Ways

1. Sarcasm: Reply with sarcasm

Sarcasm is a way of appearing witty, but it comes with a nasty underlying tone. If you want to know how to annoy a sarcastic passive-aggressive person, have a bank of replies ready. Here’s a few:

“It’s so refreshing to see that not everyone is obsessed with appearances.”

“You’re really clever; you must be right at the top of the bell curve.”

“You’re like those idiot savants; without the savant part.”

“I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.”

“I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.”

“I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”

“I admire how you don’t care what other people think of you.”

2. Silent treatment: Ignore them and have fun

Giving someone the silent treatment is typical passive-aggressive behavior. This is because the person avoids confrontation without saying a word. They can also pretend that nothing is wrong if you call or text, that they were busy or didn’t see your messages.

They are happy while you are in the dark. The silent treatment is a way of controlling you. But how to annoy a passive-aggressive person who is saying nothing? How to break silent treatment? Ignore it.

When someone gives you the silent treatment, they want it to affect you. They want to know how terrible you’re feeling, wondering what is wrong with them. The best way to annoy passive-aggressive behavior like this is to play them at their own game.

Ignore them. Get on with your life. Post on social media. Go out with other friends. Eventually, they will break their silence.

3. Sulking: Do your own thing

Sulking sets the atmosphere. It’s that ‘Fine, whatever’ response. This brooding, moody behavior permeates the whole relationship. After all, it’s difficult to have fun and be upbeat with someone in the corner, looking like a wet weekend. So, how do you stop a sulker?

Do your own thing. Let the person know you are in a good mood, and you don’t want to spoil it. If they cannot tell you what is wrong, you’ll just leave them to sort it out themselves. You are more than happy to discuss any issues, but you won’t put up with sulking; that’s what children do.

4. Telling jokes or saying things that are not funny: Ask for an explanation

Do you get accused of being too sensitive? Have you been told you’ve got no sense of humor? That you can’t take a joke? Manipulators conceal hurtful words under the guise of “I was only joking.” Or they accuse you of being super-sensitive.

This is a bullying tactic with a double whammy; the person gets away with saying something awful and trashes your reputation.

Take the sting out of a rude remark cloaked as a joke by asking the person to explain it to you. You can even act a little self-deprecating by apologizing for not ‘getting it’. Keep at them, saying

“Sorry, I just don’t understand the joke.”

5. Playing the victim: Annoying responses

We see passive-aggressive behavior in those who play the victim. It undermines someone else’s achievements or gains them sympathy.

Examples of playing the victim look like this, and if you want to know how to annoy a passive-aggressive person, have a look at my responses:

“I never had the chances you had, otherwise I could have a successful career.”

Response: “We can only dream and wonder.”

“You’re lucky. You’ve always had supportive parents. I’ve had to fend for myself.”

Response: “You little trooper! Gosh, I honestly don’t know how you’ve managed all these years.”

“You’d be late all the time if you were as busy as me!”

Response: “We’re all busy love. Maybe my time management is better than yours.”

“I wish my life was as easy as yours.”

Response: “I know. I’ve worked hard to get where I am.”

6. Patronizing behavior: Agree with them/Ignore them

People mask passive-aggressive behavior with patronizing remarks. These remarks appear as words of wisdom, encouragement, or friendly advice. In fact, they are controlling behavior, designed to tip you off balance and lower your self-esteem.

If you want to play them at their own game, you can agree with their statements, or embarrass them into silence.

For example:

“Oh, my dear, don’t worry about it. It’s far too complicated for you.”

Response: “Gosh, thanks, my little fluffy-filled kitten head nearly exploded!”

“Well, aren’t you looking better?!”

Response: “It’s all the colonic irrigation treatments, but thank you for noticing.”

“We’re so happy you’ve finally managed to find a boyfriend; we were getting worried!”

Response: “Oh don’t worry, I’ve been making up for lost time in the bedroom, if you see what I mean!”

“I can see you’ve made a genuine effort with that casserole. Well done for trying.”

Response: “Yes, I’m not an excellent cook like you. I’m better at sex.”

You can also ignore what they’ve said and walk away. If you like, pretend you haven’t heard what they’ve said. Their goal is to get a reaction from you. By walking away, you are deflating their goal.

7. Constant lateness: Tell them an earlier time

I only have one simple tip for you if someone is constantly late and you’re fed up with it. Lie.

Tell them it is Wednesday if they have a Friday deadline. Inform them that the meeting starts at 1.30pm if they have to attend it at 2pm. If you’re meeting for lunch, tell them it’s brunch. If they’re always late, rewinding time ensures they arrive on time, and you’re not stressed.

8. Social exclusion: Be direct

It’s not nice to be excluded from a party or event. Leaving someone off the guest list is typical passive-aggressive behavior. You might only find out after the event through gossip or social media.

Leaving someone out is sneaky but deliberate. The person doesn’t want to confront you, but they want you to feel isolated.

You can annoy passive-aggressors like this by direct confrontation. So, say something like:

“Oh, how was your party? Did many people turn up? I’m sorry I missed it, but I had to work.”

9. Procrastination: Set consequences

I had a housemate whose only job was to clean the bathroom. I did everything else. He hadn’t done it for three months and it was coming up to Christmas when we had guests staying. Christmas Eve arrived, and he still hadn’t done it. I ended up cleaning it.

He would say things like:

“You don’t have to keep reminding me.”

“I’ll get round to it when I have time.”

“It’s hardly important, is it?”

After Christmas, I put my foot down. I used to do all the cooking and shopping and would leave him a meal every day. The first day I didn’t cook for him he asked where his dinner was. I told him, clean the bathroom and I’ll cook for you. He started getting takeaways and ready meals, but soon found it too expensive.

After a week, I came home to a sparkling clean bathroom. That’s how to annoy a passive-aggressive person who is procrastinating.

10. Withholding affection

This is a manipulative way to behave. Not wanting sex, turning away from a kiss or hug is demoralizing. My advice? Be all over your partner like a rash.

I do this with my dogs. As part of our playtime, I give them lots of love and kisses. If your partner gets stroppy, tell them you’ll find someone who wants affection.

11. Incompetent behavior

Excuses such as ‘I don’t know how to load the dishwasher’ or ‘You are a better cook than me’ or ‘I never do the housework as good as you’ don’t cut it with me.

I had a boyfriend once that couldn’t do his laundry. So, I showed him how to work the washing machine. We are talking about grown adults here people.

12. Gossiping behind your back

Badmouthing a person has many root causes. But that’s a different article. If someone is gossiping behind your back, the best way to annoy them is to embarrass them.

Call them out but passive-aggressively. Say to them you’ve heard someone is spreading rumors about you and what sort of lowlife would do that? How can a friend stoop to such levels? They must be insecure and stupid.

13. Rolling eyes/Sighing loudly/Yawning

This sort of passive-aggressive behavior makes the person feel superior. They’re showing boredom or disagreement, but in a conspiratorial way, behind the person’s back.

Bring their behavior to everyone’s attention. Annoy the passive-aggressive perpetrators with comments such as:

‘Have you got something in your eye?’ ‘Oh, *waving hands around* did you forget to brush your teeth today?’ ‘Were you up all night masturbating?’

Final Thoughts

Passive-aggressive behavior is insidious, cowardly, and downright irritating. Fight back with my tips on how to annoy a passive-aggressive person.

Featured image by luis_molinero on Freepik

Janey Davies

Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Sub-editor & staff writer at Learning Mind

Janey Davies has been published online for over 10 years. She has suffered from a panic disorder for over 30 years, which prompted her to study and receive an Honours degree in Psychology with the Open University. Janey uses the experiences of her own anxiety to offer help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.