Solitude

Solitude

By Mary Long

Post on September 27, 2025

Are you feeling beyond seeking, beyond what the truth is, beyond this 3rd dimensional illusion?

Honestly I have been feeling this way for months now, it is as if Spirit is guiding me into a period of constant solitude, to just be what I came here to be beyond the chaos and confusion that humanity is experiencing right now.

The first wave of my ascension began in 2007 which seemed to be the worst year of my life as I look back on now it was actually the best year of my life because I had awakened once again to that inner knowing I had when I was growing up before I got caught up in the illusion of having a Career, a Husband, a House, a Car.

We have all been there at some point in our journey because we had to get a taste of what it was like to live like every other Human on this planet, even though we knew there was far more to who we are and why we are here. Everything has been a lesson a learning period that has brought me back to Spirit.

No it is not an easy task, not even easy right now as many continue to transition into who they truly are, even the Soulless ones are showing us who they are which is all part of it. I wish I could say things would stop soon, but humanity has got to purge whatever densities are left in them. They must go through the chaos to awaken to who they truly are.

They say this Comet/Satellite/Ship they call 3I/Atlas is moving in ways that a comet does not and believe it can be a Ship or Satellite of some sort, there are several other comets coming into view as well, here are the dates for each:

C/2025 A6 (Lemmon), closest to Earth on October 21, 2025

C/2025 K1 (Atlas), closest to Earth on November 24-25, 2025

3I/Atlas, the 3rd interstellar object discovered, closest to Earth on December 18-19, 2025

24P/Schanmasse, closest to Earth on January 4, 2026

C/2024 E1 (Wierzchos), closest to Earth on February 17, 2026

Comets are not uncommon but these have got to be signs of things to come, especially 3I/Atlas, some are saying this will bring more waves of awakening to the consciousness of humanity and help us ascend to the higher dimensional earth. This could be true, but I no longer put much into what is seen or unseen these days because all that matters is this moment that I am in.

Once you get to this space of not wanting to seek anything you are actually prepared for the higher realms because finally you have let go of all these outer distractions and no longer need them to guide you to yourselves.

These days I find it harder to be around those still stuck in the chaos of their minds and seek more company with my companions in Nature, the Cosmos and most of all connecting with Mother Earth as she continues her own ascension beyond the chaos.

You can tell she is shifting, readying her surface for her own final purge so she can transform her surface and be who she is really suppose to be. Her surface is expanding as our Universe expands, as our consciousness expands nothing is separate from one another and once you feel this connection everything else is just an illusion a distraction from becoming who we really are.

We are all living multidimensional lives because Earth has several dimensions in which we call alternate realities, so it is not as if we will never get there, we already are and we just need to decide which dimension we wish to continue striving for.

If you are feeling this way as I am, don’t feel guilty about it just know that all the work we have done has also affected the consciousness on this planet and you are only feeling the need to step back because you don’t need to seek validation any longer nor seek the truth. It isn’t as if our work is all done, we are just elevating the energies at a higher level of consciousness.

I am spending less and less time on social media because when I read the news feed, it is as if I already know and I have found it to be a repetitive cycle that no longer fits in my reality.

This may not make sense to some, but for me I have found that I am not the only one in this realm of no longer seeking to find who we are, Spirit is who we are and just by allowing Spirit to guide you during these times is truly all we need.

The rest of Humanity will catch up eventually when they are ready, we have younger Starseeds now activating and beginning their role to help Mother Earth and all life accelerate into there natural way of being.

So, sit back, relax, be alone, stay off social media and most of all turn off the TV and be in your own sacred space because in this space the light shines brighter than ever because we are no longer attached to certain outcomes or validations of who we are and when ascension will happen.

Always sending Love to all you beautiful Souls out there through the etheric fields of Light.

May your progress of ascension continue to expand and may you continue detaching from the illusionary world and live in Spirit.

Mary Long

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Benefits of Solitude and How to Get the Most from Your Alone Time

Benefits of Solitude and How to Get the Most from Your Alone Time

By Sophie Bishop

2025/07/06

In today’s ever-connected world, there’s always something vying for our attention. For some, solitude can be scary, while for others, it is seen as a luxury. Here, we’ll explain why solitude should be something we strive for as part of our commitment to our own well-being.

Research suggests that spending time alone can be beneficial for our mental health, improving our resilience to stress and even boosting our immunity. But how do you make the most of your alone time?

Solitude vs. loneliness

Some people equate being alone with being lonely, but there are distinct differences between the two. Quality alone time is beneficial to our well-being and offers several benefits when it comes to our physical and mental health, whereas loneliness can do just the opposite.

When you’re alone by choice, you can return to socializing at any time, and you feel good about spending time alone. Whereas loneliness is not something you have chosen for yourself, and it’s not a situation you feel happy or positive about.

While many people fear seclusion, solitude is something that a surprising number of people seek out, in large part because of differences in personality. Introverted people, for example, may relish the opportunity to spend time by themselves, while extroverted personalities might prefer time spent with others. But regardless of your personality, there’s value to be had in spending time alone.

What are the benefits of solitude?

Solitude offers numerous benefits, and it can even form part of your self-care routine when you take time out intentionally to spend time by yourself and focus on your own health and well-being.

Time to rest

One of the primary benefits of alone time is that it gives you a chance to unwind and for your mind to rest and restore. When you’re constantly on the go, whether it’s work, meeting up with friends and family, or having to deal with personal tasks, you don’t have the time to really clear your mind. When you’re by yourself, you have the chance to refocus without any distractions, which can be rejuvenating.

Chance to find your own voice

Have you noticed that when you spend time with others, it’s easier to become influenced by them? Whether it’s going to places others choose or making decisions based on what other people will enjoy the most, we often go along with other people out of ease or simplicity.

But when you’re alone, you have the chance to really think about what you want and the decisions that will make you happiest. That might be in the moment, or it might be longer-term goals and plans for your life in general.

Better relationships with others

You may be surprised to learn that being alone can improve your relationships, but it’s true. Spending time by yourself improves your understanding of yourself and what you desire out of life, and that means you make better choices when it comes to the people you spend time with. And, as the phrase goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder, meaning you’re likely to appreciate the people in your life more when you’ve had some time apart.

Increased creativity

When you have the chance to switch off and refocus your energy on relaxing, your mind is free to wander, and that can help when it comes to creativity and innovation. When we’re alone, we can sit with our thoughts and not have to worry about distractions, which gives the subconscious mind time to process our thoughts and find unexpected solutions to problems.

How to spend your alone time

When it comes to things to do alone, there are many activities and ideas you can get inspired by that will help you make the most of your solitude and feel restored.

Meditate

Meditating alone can be incredibly rewarding, and it offers several benefits for your mental health. Meditation has been proven to enhance your ability to focus and be present, and it helps to lower stress, increase self-awareness, and foster self-acceptance.

Practice journaling

Journaling is a great habit to get into, and alone time is the perfect opportunity to get your thoughts down on paper. When combined with another form of introspection, such as therapy, it can help you observe your life and emotions from a new perspective.

Invest in your well-being

Therapy can be a great way of getting to know yourself better and identifying ways to navigate complex emotions or difficulties in your life. You may invest in weekly online therapy sessions that will give you the building block to cope with stressors in your life, or you might want a personalized holistic approach that is tailored to your specific needs, working with a professional to deal with broader challenges or issues that are bothering you.

Whichever form of therapy you choose, your alone time can be spent reflecting on what you’ve discussed, which can improve your mental health by reaffirming what you’ve learned.

Connect with nature

Get outside into the fresh air and enjoy a relaxing walk, hike, or bike ride in the countryside. Nature is soothing for the mind, and it can do wonders for your mood, but it’s also a great place to spend time by yourself as you can feel even more peaceful and relaxed. Plus, there’s the added benefit of exercise, which also perks up our mood and aids our physical health.

Enjoy music or movies

You don’t need to worry about finding someone with the same taste in films or bands as you if you go by yourself. Attending a concert or watching a movie at the cinema by yourself can be a great way to really focus on what you’re watching, but it can also be a great way to meet like-minded people and broaden your social circle too.

Learn a new skill

Alone time can be a great time to sign up for a new evening class, take up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try, or try your hand at something new. From cooking and art to dancing or extreme sports, think of something you’ve always wanted to try and give it a go. Instead of having to go along with what those around you want to do, you’re free to pursue your own interests, and you might even discover a hidden talent you never knew you had.

Final thoughts

Solitude doesn’t have to be something you fear – in fact, taking time out intentionally to focus on yourself can do wonders for your self-esteem, mental health, and happiness. From practicing what you’ve learned in therapy to trying a new hobby to build up your confidence or getting out in nature to restore your mind, there are many things to do alone that bring you the opportunity to work on yourself.

Sophie Bishop

• https://calmerry.com/blog/self-care/benefits-of-solitude-and-how-to-get-the-most-from-your-alone-time/ 

Quietness and Stillness; or, If You Reach a Fork in the Road

Quietness and Stillness; or, If You Reach a Fork in the Road

By Steve Beckow

Posted on March 4, 2025

If you reach a fork in the road, take it

I’m taking a day to relax, reflect, and share a laugh….

I just had a conversation that raised issues for me that were substantial and important.

I hadn’t had the same conversation since around 2012 when someone we know said to me, “You’ll soon be ready for the conference circuit.” And perfectly transparently but not at all subtly, I replied, “I have no interest in the conference circuit.” And of course I don’t. I’m a writer.

Of course as well, I never heard from the worthy gentleman again.

But the point is: I’m an introvert, an urban monk. I love silence. I work in writing, not in speaking. (1)

So that was one occasion when I reached a fork in the road (Baseball Hall of Famer Yogi Berra’s advice: If you reach a fork in the road, take it).

The second conversation was when a friend asked me recently to involve myself in a workshop. Up came the same objection. I’m walking in the opposite direction – right now, anyways – because I was once a workshop junkie.

But right now I seek silence and solitude, not the effervescent, sociable atmosphere of a workshop.

And it really feels built-in, hard-wired. I know I’ll have to let it go when the Reval hits and humanitarian philanthropy enters the picture but I probably will always prefer quiet and solitude.

Don’t forget that, when our heart has been opened, (2) we have access to our own source of love and bliss – in our heart. So it isn’t that I’m sitting here doing nothing. And it isn’t that I’m saying I need another to “get” love from. I get it from my heart, my gas station, my ATM.

I need another to give love to. Love cries out to be shared.

I draw love up from my heart on the in-breath, enjoy it on the pause, and send it out to the world on the outbreath. And then turn my attention to whatever is next, greatly expanded in enjoyment and outlook.

Love must flow (3) and it seeks entrance and exit through any crack in our armor. But, if it’s not welcomed, it flows by us and, I assume, seeks the next open person to grace.

So another fork in the road which, when I reached it, I took it. Or did not take it. Errrrr…..

The road not taken. The fork left in the road. A reinforcement of the bent of my character – towards quietness and stillness – with love.

Footnotes

(1)  Probably an even bigger obstacle is that I have almost no short-term memory.  The latter days of An Hour with an Angel were hard for me because I couldn’t remember what was said or what my next question was.

(2) As it will be after the Ring of Fire, Wave of Love. See Ring of Fire, Wave of Love at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Ring-of-Fire-Wave-of-Love-Compilation-9.pdf

(3) Archangel Michael: Love is the energy of the universe. It is the energy of the Mother. And it moves constantly, continually, eternally, infinitely. So, to have an experience of love, it [must move] through you.  (4) [My emphasis.] Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Dec. 5, 2018.) (Hereafter, AAM.)

AAM: Love is a fluid energy. It has need to flow and so when it does not flow it becomes… Well, as you put it, it be can become dry and brittle. It has need to be given and received above, below, within, without and in every which way. (AAM, April 30, 2019.)

Steve Beckow

• goldenageofgaia.com/

 

The Philosophy of “As If”

The Philosophy of “As If”

By Steve Beckow

Posted on February 5, 2025

Hans Vaihinger, 1852-1933 Credit: Bridgman Images

My friend Len, who introduced me to Ascension in the first place, reminds me that operating “as if” is a basic component of manifestation. That’s right. Thank you for that, Len.

As I sat in the UBC Library in 1986, reading everything in the social sciences I could lay my hands on, (1) one book title fascinated me and stayed with me: The Philosophy of “As If,” by a German scholar, Hans Vaihinger, published in 1911.

I never read the book! But the idea always intrigued me and stayed with me.

There’s a profound concept in that phrase, on the use of the will in line with universal law. It may prove helpful in a time of chaos, because it’s a way of working with the outside world that provides a path through what’s going on around us.

Now, because I never got around to reading the book – it was “as if” the mere title was enough – what follows is me making it up, with apologies to Herr Vaihinger.

***

I never worked well with the imagination. Heaven knows why. I worked best (internally) with feelings. Ideas seemed to come and go of their own. I was always grabbing them as I thought everyone else was. But feelings was where I lived.

Vaihinger’s phrase, when I saw it in the library, got in. I’m going to stop talking about imagination and begin behaving “as if” things are the way I want them to be.

Why not? We’re doing it anyways in a hit-and-miss fashion. Why not perfect the skill?

Moreover, any spiritual teacher will tell us we’re making our world up anyways. (2)

And here’s a zinger. If we want the world to work for everyone, if we want our negotiations to be win/win, we have to include ourselves. Acting as if things are the way we’d like them to be is showing what it is we want. It’s transparency.

***

In the best of all possible worlds, all would be well. We’d be creating a reality we like, rather than one we dislike. And others would be doing the same. Where there was a fit, we pursue maters. Where not, we’d pass like ships in the night.

If we are God, our powers take in creation, preservation, and transformation, all achieved through the use of love. That makes sense, right? God creates, preserves, and transforms, all through the use of love? (3)

We are God (there is nothing else in the world), (4) slogging through a snowbank of 3/4D density, but we still create, preserve, and transform – lasting if through love, transitory if through hate and anger.

Let me play with “as if.” What if I operated “as if” I had all the time in the world – because, in one sense, I do. I’m eternal. You’re eternal. All of us are eternal beings. Thus, it can be said that we all have all the time in the world. (I’m re-educating myself here.)

Rather than go off after another example, let me hold on to this one and work with it. (We used to call this growthwork.)

I’m operating in the domain of will when I operate “as if” things are a certain way. They become that way for me, whether they are for the other person or not.

Flash: I just got that I can work this way with love. I can operate “as if” everyone I meet understands the love that I feel. If someone doesn’t, that situation gets identified quicker and I can tone it down or … whatever!

This is promising.

***

“As if” is a way to operate with the will such that, in my own little world or bubble, I’m always maximizing the chances of getting what I want; in my case, higher-dimensional, transformative love.  It isn’t a guarantee. But it’s a tool in our toolbox.

Once the world feels this higher form of love, everyone will be saying the same thing as I am: Oh, it’s so wonderful! Rapturous. Blissful. Ambrosia! Brush off those superlatives.

We don’t have many words for something higher in dimension to us. But we do find that this love is what we want, what we’ve been looking for. It satisfies all our desires.

That’s why we have this silly smile on our faces.

***

The problem is that anyone who’s corrupt or narcissistic also uses “as if” to get their way. They can’t use love because love is not to be found in corruption. They usually act instead out of entitlement or manipulation.

They’ll go to much greater lengths to get what they want than the average decent person; they might go so far as to kill you, as the Nazis did.

I’ll bet that somewhere someone on this planet is killing someone right now and quoting scripture as they do it.

Any tool can be bent to any end. A chisel can make a fine cut in wood or kill someone.  I’m not talking about a corrupt or narcissistic application of this process. I’m working in wood.

Our intentions need to be pure if we want a pure outcome. If we keep an eye on our intentions, and be transparent about them (more growthwork), we should avoid the misuse of this tool.

Whoa down there! That’s enough for one go!

Thank you, Michael, Annastara, my twin, my guides and, as always, the Mother. I apologize for going on and on. I was curious myself to see what was coming next.

Footnotes

(1) My Sociology Ph.D. adviser once said to me, “I think you only read introductions.” And he was right. I just wanted the concept. I wasn’t interested in the outworking of the details.

(2) I’m not a spiritual teacher. I have not the required level of enlightenment and I aspire to be a writer, sharing my own thoughts, not a guide. A spiritual teacher spends their time interacting with their pupils. I seek solitude and flee from email.

(3) I was able to confirm this view with the Mother and Archangel Michael.

A. Steve: I’ve read part of this quote to the Divine Mother. She’s verified it but I’ve added things to it. So I’d like to read it to you again and ask if it is correct.

Creation, preservation, and transformation = rajas, sattwa, and thamas [the gunas] = Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva [the Trimurthy] = Akar, Ukar and Makar [AUM] = inbreath, pause, and outbreath.

Archangel Michael: That is quite the expression, Sweet One, and, in that tradition and in that understanding, the answer is correct.

Steve: It is not discussed in other traditions.

AAM: No, it is not. (Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, April 2, 2020.)

Steve: [I’d like to] know if the gunas, the cosmic forces which are called rajas, sattwa, and thamas, are the same as the Trimurthy [Triad] of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva.

B. Divine Mother: Yes. We [the Divine Mother is all of these and infinitely more] are the same as that triad.

S: All right. And the Trimurthy of Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva is a subset of the Universal Creative Vibration [Akar Ukar Makar or AUM] that you are at your essence. Is that correct?

DM: That is correct. It [the Trimurthy] is a way in which my beloved children can come to know me and to have that experience. It is formless, and yet it is form. It is a way of connection, and it is a way of understanding and entering into a higher vibration of being. So it helps the emergence into my energy.

S: Sort of like stair steps?

DM: That is correct. (“The Divine Mother: Come to Me as I Come to You – Part ½,” Oct. 17, 2012, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2012/10/17/the-divine-mother-come-to-me-as-i-come-to-you-part-12/.)

(4)  Verily, all is [God]. (Swami Prabhavananda and Frederick Manchester, trans., The Upanishads. Breath of the Eternal. New York and Scarborough: New American Library, 1957; c1948, 46.)

[There is] no other beside me. (Sri Krishna in Swami Prabhavananda and Christopher Isherwood, trans., Bhagavad-Gita. The Song of God. New York and Scarborough: New American Library, 1972; c1944, 71.)

I am God, and there is none else. (Isaiah 5:22.)

At last the gnostic [knower of God]  understands …  that everything in immanence is nothing other than His Manifestation and Tools. (Ibn Arabi Muhyideen, Kernel of the Kernel. trans. Ismail Hakki Bursevi. Sherborne: Beshara, n.d., 7.)

Steve Beckow

• goldenageofgaia.com/

 

About Solitude

About Solitude

Thought Adjuster Is The Teacher

Message received by Oscar

Posted on July 29, 2024

 

 

 

Alabama, USA, April 25, 2014

Thought Adjuster: “Solitude can be an opportunity for the human being to connect with spiritual influences and thus promote spiritual growth. However, personality isolation is indeed harmful to mortals. Much spiritual progress depends on how you associate with your fellow human beings and the love you offer them. This is the only way to understand the Father's love. If you distance yourself from your brothers and sisters, you are effectively depriving yourself of this great learning opportunity.

It is a fact that the human personality feels the need to commune with its peers sooner or later. It is in your nature to be social beings. Your work in eternity will require the co-creative effort of all individual wills oriented toward common purposes—toward the Father's will. Even here in this world, the great transformations needed to lift this planet from darkness and confusion to levels of light and life require the cooperative efforts of all the inhabitants of this world.

Jesus spent many hours communing alone with the Father, but he spent most of his time in this world among his peers, sharing his experiences, his truth, and his revelation of love with them while at the same time learning to know them better. Jesus knew well that every human being possesses within themselves a Divine Fragment of the Father, and therefore anyone who wishes to know God must first find Him within themselves and then within their brothers and sisters in this world.

It is time for spiritual students to stop yearning for isolation as the most effective route to self-enlightenment. Only by living among your brothers and loving them as yourself—or even as God Himself loves us—can you come to know your Father in heaven and begin to manifest the fruits of the spirit in your experience. This is indeed the surest and most effective way to find and understand God, revealing Him to your fellow human beings through your decisions and actions and illustrating His unconditional love in the way you treat all who cross your path.”

 

© The 11:11 Progress Group.
Faith is just curiosity tinged with hope — Thought Adjuster.

www.1111AkashicConstruct.com

 

10 Sad Reasons Why So Many Great People Stay Single Forever

10 Sad Reasons Why So Many Great People Stay Single Forever

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on April 16, 2023

Although the majority of people marry or live with their partner, there are those who stay single forever. A great number of these singles are that way by choice.

It doesn’t really matter if you have an intimate partner or if you stay single forever. It’s your choice. However, there are sad reasons why so many wonderful people choose to go through life on their own. Whether it’s indeed by choice or circumstances, that just happens that way.

Why do great people stay single?

Remaining single is not always because you just can’t find a partner. Oh no, sometimes, you just don’t want one. Can you believe it? There are actually people who prefer being alone because their own company is hard to beat. But for now, let’s look at a few sad reasons why so many great people stay single forever.

1. You crave being alone

Being alone isn’t a bad thing. Taking time for yourself is healthy and helps you re-energize before your next social engagement. But, if you find yourself always preferring alone time to socializing, it can become addictive.

If you’re single now, and you spend all your time alone, it’s possible that you could remain this way forever. I mean, if you’re always alone, then how can you meet someone? In some cases, too much alone time can cause depression as well.

2. Your standards are really high

Have you noticed that every person you’ve dated seems to have something you hate? Well, it could be that you’re just having a string of bad luck in the dating area. Or, it could be that your standards are way too high. Maybe you’re seeking someone who is perfect. Maybe you’re seeking yourself in another person. You may remain single for a long time if your standards are set too high.

3. There’s a fear of commitment

One sad reason great people stay single is that they fear commitment. The responsibility of trying to form a relationship and create a bond may be terrifying. This is especially true for those who still think partners are supposed to cultivate each other’s happiness. Although happiness comes from within, there are many couples who constantly work to make each other happy. For those who fear commitment, this is just too much pressure.

4. Your trust has been damaged

If a past relationship caused severe emotional trauma, then it could be difficult to trust others. Relationships require trust to be healthy, and if there is a lack of trust, there is a lot of work involved to repair this. So, many great people who’ve been betrayed prefer to stay single… sometimes forever.

5. You value friendships more

Many great people stay single forever because they simply value their friends more than intimate relationships. This can be sad, but it can also just be a personal choice. And it could be that you’re just not willing to put an intimate partner before your friends. If this is the case, being single may feel like your only option.

6. Low self-esteem

Some really good people want to be in a relationship but just have no “luck”. You may feel like no one wants you. It’s because of low self-worth and can prevent you from reaching out, socializing, and doing other things to meet new people.

Also, while you may be engaging in social activities, your negative vibes could be sending signals telling others to stay away. While there may be someone who is attracted to you, your body language and lack of eye contact will keep you from pursuing a relationship or even getting to know them.

7. You’re afraid of being vulnerable

Some truly great people stay single forever because they do not want to be vulnerable. This includes having a fear of intimacy and rejecting the love they wanted in the first place. You see, if you keep pushing intimacy away, a relationship will not form, or an existing relationship will die. It’s sad, but sometimes these great people end up alone permanently.

8. Continuous poor relationships

Unfortunately, in our quest to find love, we sometimes keep turning to toxic situations. Evaluate yourself. Have all your relationships ended up in turmoil, fighting, and discontent?

Maybe you’re stuck in a pattern of dating people that just don’t match your personality, standards, and morals. Yes, you could be settling and then realizing later that you’re not happy. This pattern can consume your life until you give up. Then you may decide to remain single for this reason.

9. You’re bitter and angry

Truly great people can become angry and bitter over time. Negative life experiences that seem to happen over and over again make some people calloused and harsh. Living a single life, to them, may seem like the best thing to do. Many great people stay single forever just because they’re holding onto anger and hurt and will not practice forgiveness.

10. You cannot move on

If a past relationship is haunting you, and you cannot let go, this is a problem. And if you cannot rekindle the relationship, for whatever reason, you’ll find yourself stuck, even living in the past. It’s possible that you will never really partake in another relationship, at least not a serious one. And so, by choice, you may stay single forever.

Being single is not a bad thing

Do not let this post discourage you. If you’re single, there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re healthy. If you’re in a relationship, that’s fine too. But you must consider the reason for either situation. Are you in a relationship because you’re scared of being alone? That’s not healthy. And likewise, are you single because you’re afraid of getting hurt? Maybe that’s not the best reason either.

So, consider this: Many great people stay single forever, but they do not have to.

I still believe in love. What about you?

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2023 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

Why Am I Still Single? 16 Psychological Reasons You Might Find Surprising

Why Am I Still Single? 16 Psychological Reasons You Might Find Surprising

By Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Posted on March 22, 2023

I’m a single lady, and I love it. I choose to be single for many reasons. However, sometimes I envy the support and companionship married couples enjoy. Are you still single and wondering if there’s something wrong with you?

Don’t worry. Statistics show that the number of single people is rising. Fewer people are getting married, more people are getting divorced or becoming widowed. Many have never been in a relationship.

But statistics can only tell us the trends. What are the psychological reasons? Perhaps you’re asking, “Why am I still single?”

Below, you’ll find 16 answers to that question. I’ve also interspersed these answers with quotes from actual single people.

Why Am I Still Single? 16 Possible Reasons

“What’s wrong with being single?” ― Amanda Manis

1. You’re an introvert and don’t meet anyone

The biggest answer to “Why am I still single?” is you are an introvert. We need to socialize and meet people to date them. Then, hopefully, this progresses into a relationship.

The problem is that introverts rarely meet new people. Sure, you might have your group of friends, but if you don’t get ‘out there’, you’ll stay single.

2. You have zero ‘game’

You might be tall, handsome, muscular, toned and gorgeous, but if you’ve got no game, none of that matters. To engage others, you need people skills. You must be sociable, make small talk, and be approachable. If you can’t do these things, all the looks in the world won’t help.

“Why? Because not everyone can handle fabulous.” ― Melina Martin

3. You’re looking for a partner to fulfill your needs

People can smell desperation a mile away. There’s that saying about love; you find it when you’re not looking.

Confident people with high self-esteem are attractive. They draw people to them. We want a piece of their life. We want to be involved with them. In contrast, others seek to love to make up for their inadequacies.

4. You’re punishing yourself for past relationships

You move forward with self-reflection. Learning from past mistakes is part of growing. However, self-punishment serves no purpose. Maybe you abused an ex-partner, or you ended a relationship badly. Now you can’t forgive yourself. You feel inadequate or not worthy of a relationship and potential dates can sense this.

5. You don’t know how to date

There are some of us that didn’t date through high school or college. Dating early allows you to make the same mistakes as everyone else. Now you’re older, you can’t make these mistakes at your age. You’ve got no experience of dating.

Your friends have established romantic relationships or gotten married. You don’t have a wingman because your friends live far away from you.

“Why am I still single? Because, thanks to online dating, I am capped out on crazy material to add to my next book.” ― Nikki Greene Adame

6. You can’t read body language

I’ve written a lot about body language because I find it fascinating. But I can’t tell when guys like me. I can’t read body language, I don’t know if you’re flirting, and don’t even start with subtle clues. Unless you tell me you want to date me, I don’t know what’s going through your mind.

To you, the signs you’re giving might be obvious. Then there’s always the additional fear that I’m reading the signals wrong and will make a fool of myself.

7. You fear commitment

If you’ve been single for a long time, opening your life up to someone else is nerve-wracking. You get stuck in a routine that suits you. It’s comfortable, like a cozy room with a log fire.

Opening up and committing to someone is like opening your front door and letting in the cold. You grow accustomed to living a certain way and change is frightening.

“Because I have learned to love being alone with all of the freedom and creative time it’s afforded me. If someone wants to be in my life, they have to enhance my life. If not, I’ll stay single, thank you.” ― Matt Sweetwood

8. You are way too picky

“Why am I still single?”, you ask. Perhaps you are too picky.

Are particular body types off-limits to you? Do you hate tattoos on women? Do you only date tall, dark, and handsome guys or women with good bodies? Is smoking a deal breaker? Are a person’s political views important to you? Do they have to like dogs or cats?

If you have a list of deal breakers longer than things you like, you’re probably better being single. No one is perfect after all, not even you.

9. You don’t want kids, and everyone has them

Have you had kids? Did you never want kids? Do you not want anything to do with kids? That’s completely understandable.

Raising your own children is hard enough. As an ex-stepmother, I can attest to the sacrifices you make for your partner’s children. That being said, my experience was wonderful and as a childless person, I feel privileged to have been in my step kids’ lives.

However, I’m not here to convince you to do the same, but it might be the reason you are still single.

“The truth is, it’s quite awesome not having to check in with anyone but yourself.” ― Jessica Fernandez

10. You see red flags everywhere

If you’ve had lots of failed relationships in the past, you might see red flags everywhere.

Maybe your partner cheated on you, and you find flirtatious behavior threatening. In the past, you dated a mummy’s boy; now close family relationships trigger you. If you were in a coercive-controlling relationship, you might look out for signs of controlling behavior.

The minute you see a red flag, you’re out, and this is why you are still single.

11. You were in a toxic relationship, and it’s put you off

Why am I still single, I hear you ask? I was in a controlling and manipulative relationship and my self-esteem plummeted. He made me feel worthless because of my anxiety and, to be honest; it puts me off relationships.

It hasn’t turned me against men. It’s just that now I don’t have to account for my whereabouts or actions or have every part of my life scrutinized again. Now, I love being free. I can do what I want when I want and I’m slowly building my confidence up. I know why I am still single and it’s fine.

“Because I’m not willing to settle!” ― Ashley Danielle

12. You get attached too quickly, and it never works out

Some people get attached too easily to others. You don’t know the person, but you fill in your gaps of knowledge with your own wants and desires. Then you get stuck in a cycle of putting all your hopes into one person.

That doesn’t work out, and you have to start over. Now you become scared of moving the relationship onto the next level, but a part of you is desperate to speed things up.

13. You don’t think you have anything to offer

Maybe you don’t have a great job, or perhaps you’re unemployed.

Are you living in your parents’ garage or basement and feeling embarrassed about bringing people home? Perhaps you don’t drive and everyone you know has a car. These are just material things. Personality, kindness and compassion are important.

“Yes, meaningful companionship is essential, but your life shouldn’t be any less valuable in the absence of a relationship.” ― Soumia Aziz

14. Everyone else has interesting lives, and yours is boring

If social media is anything to go by, no one is ever at home; we are all out and socializing, living our best lives, and having fun 24/7. We look amazing, have tons of friends, and it’s glorious.

I don’t know about you, but this in no way represents my life. I rarely go out, and when I do, it’s something boring like seeing a movie or going to a restaurant. Who would want to pair up with me? I watch crap TV, chain-smoke, and get takeout. I can give you mediocre sex, but I’ll complain a lot.

15. You frighten people away

We get to a point in our lives where we don’t put up with BS. We are too old for mind games or manipulating behavior.

Being outspoken can be off-putting to potential partners. You’ve got a choice here; either tone it down or stick to your guns. It depends on what you want. However, you don’t have to be blunt or put up a false front when you meet new people.

“Because the ordinary people I meet bore me. I also love walking around wearing pajama pants and no bra.” ― Jami Dedman

16. Being in a relationship means sacrifice

Relationships take effort and compromise to make them work. If you see this as a sacrifice, perhaps you’re not ready. You may have other priorities like work or children that you want to focus on.

Juggling work, kids, friends and a romantic relationship is time-consuming. You might think it’s not worth the hassle.

Final thoughts

Why am I still single? Hopefully, now you have the answer. If you are happy being single, I hope I’ve relieved your anxieties. At least you can clarify where you are at this stage in life.

However, if you don’t want to be still single, having an open mind, being a little more adventurous, and allowing yourself closure for past mistakes will go a long way.

References:

• wikihow.life
• huffingtonpost.co.uk

Janey Davies

Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Sub-editor & staff writer at Learning Mind

Janey Davies has been published online for over 10 years. She has suffered from a panic disorder for over 30 years, which prompted her to study and receive an Honours degree in Psychology with the Open University. Janey uses the experiences of her own anxiety to offer help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.