Reconciliation an Important Thing, But Not THE Important Thing
By Steve Beckow
Posted on April 10, 2024
One of the mistakes the friends and family of folks caught in a cycle of conflict often make is to mistake reconciliation – getting back together (step 8) – as a resolution of the conflict.
We reconcile and they all applaud, as if reconciliation is THE most important thing.
No, if nothing ever changes, then exiting the cycle of conflict is THE most important thing and reconciliation – if nothing ever changes – will likely not prove to be the enduring answer.
The fact that “nothing ever changes” seems to be one of the chief features of the cycle.
The impact of getting back together again and discovering, when the disagreements begin again, that nothing has changed can be demoralizing.
And it can lead to an increase in anger because we feel that we’re not being heard, acknowledged, or seen to; we’re being ignored.
“What’s the use?” arises. We move further and further into disappointment and resentment – which cuts us off from any real love we may feel. Thus, at exactly a time when love is needed, our anger cuts us off from the source of it in our own heart.
I know what real love is. I get it from my heart and, to a lesser degree, from others. And I know that, when we lower our vibration by resenting, we can’t reach that love any longer.
So a second matter in setting out to exit the cycle of conflict is not to falsely evaluate the reconciliation. It’s a second chance at joining together and working out our relationship patterns so that conflict is minimized while love is maximized. But it isn’t the final victory unto itself.
(To be continued.)
