Does he know how to listen? Credit: Coursera
I was talking to a young friend the other day who may be entering a new relationship.
I imagined her asking me what she should look for in a relationship.
I had no problem answering that question. From my personal perspective?
Does he know how to listen?
If he knows how to listen, and you do as well, you have a chance to escape the cycle of conflict, which most relationships fall into at some point. (1)
How does listening work? Let me focus on what decades ago I used to call “restorative” listening because that’s the crucial type of listening, in my view, in a relationship.
We’re wanting to escape the cycle of conflict and it calls for a more intensive form of listening than ordinarily.
First thing is you don’t listen for what you want to hear. You listen for what he wants to tell you. He speaks because he wants you to hear and understand something. What is it?
Listening is not about you. It’s not about you reviewing what you just said to see how you did, when he’s speaking.
It’s not about you planning what you’ll say next. It’s not a pit stop where you change your tires while you get your next thought.
And it certainly isn’t about you interrupting his train of thought or walking away with the microphone. It takes work and concentration on our part to be the listener.
If anything it’s blue-sky stillness of mind into which is gathered all he says and spread out on the table – for him to see.
Second, moderate feedback is good. It shows you’re listening. “You seem to feel sad. I hear the urgency of it. It sounds disturbing.” And then let it go.
Exception: It may further the process for you, at some point, to offer just a short insight about yourself (“I do that too”) to show you have an ante in the game. Be brief and then yield the microphone.
Third, listening is about you getting the real message that the speaker wants you to get. Sometimes that message – well, often, I think – is conveyed in or modified by gestures, inflection, mannerisms, etc.
The words may be different accompanied by different inflections. You need to “hear” everything to understand what the speaker is wanting you to get.
Fourth, treat everything he says as a chapter heading and unfold it. Don’t be surprised if he repeats the telling. The first time is for the story. The second time is for how he feels, now having seen the full story.
***
What’s the overall objective of listening of the kind I’m describing? It’s to give him the opportunity to put everything on the table and see what he’s doing and what barriers he’s meeting.
At some point he should have an “Aha!” and whatever troubled him will vanish. The truth will have set him free. (2)
This kind of listening should keep us out of the cycle of conflict if used lovingly, without judgment, and without undue interruption or redirection. It defuses. It satisfies. But it’s rare in our society.
It works provided the issues that are being discussed are solvable and the two people want a solution.
I always assume that the speaker knows what he needs. He just hasn’t been able to find anyone who will help by purely listening.
***
After G/NESARA (3) the remnants of a paradigm of a woman needing to rely on a man for her financial wellbeing will disappear. Poof! Women will have a guaranteed means of survival.
Then relationships may reflect the person’s pure interests and last as long as the two remain interested. There won’t be a need for marriage. They do not marry in heaven, remember? (4)
There’s no need for it. (5)
Footnotes
(1) See:
Cycle of Conflict:
We go around and around this cycle, our feelings for the other eroding a little more as we go, until we drop or leave. In a word? “Listening” is what’s missing. Oh, and love.
(2) And you can use the truth to guide you. If he is getting freer and freer of tension, the truth is being spoken. Barring venting, which is a good thing, if he’s getting more and more ornery, chances are there’s something not being said here.
Use the truth and his release as your guide in knowing what to listen to and what to gently inquire into (if it’s appropriate; don’t shanghai his share).
(2) The Global/National Economic Security and Reformation Act, mandating a new economic order based on fairness, compassion, and universality.
See What’s Next?
Vol. 5: G/NESARA at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Whats-Next-5-2.pdf
(3) For when they shall rise from the dead [i.e., ascend]
they neither marry
nor are given in marriage;
but are as the angels
which are in heaven.
(Mark 12:25.)
(4) There are no reasons for marriage in the higher dimensions. There are no threats for which we need to bind together and bond. One doesn’t face a poverty-stricken old age.
I used to know about child-rearing on the higher planes, but I’ve forgotten and haven’t written on it.
People come together and part as they please, for as long as it rewards them. What makes all this possible is the love which we’ll also experience one day soon. If we felt that love for a moment, all would make sense.
Everything about family, sexuality, etc., is different in the higher dimensions.
There’s a book waiting to be written. The closest I’ve come to it is New Maps of Heaven at https://goldengaiadb.com/index.php?title=New_Maps_of_Heaven
