The Purple Light: 8 Signs Someone Is Pretending to Care about You

Sunday, October 29, 2023

8 Signs Someone Is Pretending to Care about You

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on October 29, 2023

Have you ever felt like someone is pretending to care about you? Well, if you have, there’s a chance you could be right. Not all people have good intentions.

I live in the southern United States, and I can tell you from experience that some people are just pretending to care about you. Where I live, there’s this thing called “southern hospitality” and basically, it means,

“I’m going to make you feel comfortable while I figure you out.”

I’m serious. I’ve had to learn this as I’ve grown up, and then roll my eyes when I watch the surrounding people welcome outsiders. I felt bad for these newcomers.

And for the rest of you who do not live in the southern United States, this is also the case. There are people around you who really don’t care. I know that’s hard to hear, but it’s true. And while it may manifest differently according to where you live, the signs will be universal or very close.

Are they pretending to care about you?

Have you ever felt like someone you care about is saying all the right things, but there’s just something off? Well, it could be that they are playing pretend. Let’s take a look at a few signs that someone is pretending to care about you.

1. Pretending to listen

Just because you socialize with someone doesn’t mean they give a crap about what you say. They may nod their head and say, “mm-hmm” but this doesn’t mean they get it or agree. One tip-off is that they never disagree with you, and this is because they’re not really listening. This is a HUGE red flag.

Another way to recognize that they don’t really care about the things you say is that they don’t remember any of it. To them, what you say is unimportant because they don’t care about you at all.

2. They’re only around during your success

If your friend is supporting you while you are successful, but when you fail, they disappear, they’re not your real friend. This is an enormous sign.

Fake friends feed off the positive energy of others. If you are making loads of money, getting attention, or receiving expensive gifts, they are going to be there to thrive off your blessings. You can tell when someone is pretending to care about you by when they are present in your life.

3. Odd body language

Maybe you’re not an expert at body language, but even the novice can tell when someone isn’t genuine. When someone is pretending to care about you, they will have open body language. This means arms outstretched, good eye contact, and thoughtful expressions. There will be a hint of a deep connection between genuine friends.

However, those who aren’t real friends will have exaggerated expressions, and fake laughs, and may even be more closed off physically. Not all these indicators apply to every situation, but you will know when someone’s body language is shady.

4. They use subtle gaslighting

I’m sure you’re tired of hearing about gaslighting by now. This manipulative technique strikes so often that it seems as if it’s spreading like wildfire.

When someone is pretending to like you, they will check off all the boxes of a friendship, oh yes. But, they will sprinkle elements of gaslighting throughout your life. It’s so thin and subtle that it will take you a while to recognize it. Well, now that you have this list, you can watch out for it, and call them on this action.

5. They say the same thing to everyone

Don’t get excited when that questionable friend says you are special. You might find out that they say that to all their acquaintances, even strangers. When someone cares about you, and I mean truly cares, they will have things that they only say to you. These are things that have a deep meaning in your relationship.

You will know a fake friend by the way they use “cookie-cutter” statements. They will praise and adore you while using the same words to praise and adore someone else later on.

6. Never remember the important things

You may notice how your friend is always forgetting important things you need them to remember. They will use excuses like,

“You know my memory is getting bad”, or “I can’t remember everything!”

Do not be fooled by this. Fakers don’t care about the things you want them to remember. They probably forget right after you tell them. While some people truly have trouble remembering things, oh yes, these people who pretend to care about you only remember what benefits them the most.

7. Inconsistency

Real friends usually help you just as you help them, right? Well, a person who is pretending to care about you will not be consistent in this area.

For instance, if they need someone to talk to, you’d probably be more than happy to be supportive. However, when you’re having problems, they will always be too busy to talk with you. This relationship will be one-sided most of the time, with just enough reciprocation to keep you hanging on in case they need to use you.

8. They are self-absorbed

If all these other indicators didn’t point toward self-centeredness, then I would just have to say it. They only truly care about themselves.

One sign of this is when you notice how everything has to come back to what they need, what they want, and what they think. It may take some time to pick up on this, but you will. It will be easy to see, as the spotlight will be glaring down on them.

Don’t entertain fake people!

Whether it’s your friends, loved ones, or coworkers, just don’t entertain their nonsense. They do not really care about you the way you think. In fact, they usually don’t care at all. To them, you are simply a background for their poop show. I know I sound harsh, but it is what it is.

When someone is pretending to care about you, they will waste your time, steal your other friends, and eventually damage your self-esteem. And remember, this isn’t just about people in the southern United States, with their fake hospitality. Fake people are everywhere.

So, it would help if you made it your goal to recognize them and then stay away.

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

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