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7 Phrases Emotional Abusers Use to Gain Control
By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.
learning-mind.com
Posted on August 22, 2026
Emotional abusers are tricky, and they use certain phrases to manipulate you. Many of these statements may seem ordinary at first, so beware.
Emotional abusers are everywhere. They may be a member of your family, one of your friends, or even your partner. But the problem is they’re good at hiding what they are, so it’s not always easy weeding them out. People with narcissistic tendencies and other toxic individuals do, however, display telltale characteristics.
Phrases emotional abusers say
Here’s the thing: pay close attention to what people say to you. If it feels off, there’s a good reason for this intuition. You could be, in fact, dealing with someone who has emotionally abusive tendencies. Here are a few common phrases emotional abusers use.
1. “You’re never satisfied”
What this really means is:
“You’re not accepting my bare minimum effort in our relationship, and this makes me uncomfortable knowing that I should try harder.”
Does that sound familiar to you? If it does, then you could be dealing with emotional abusers. And it’s not that you’re not satisfied at all. You just deserve quality treatment and you’re not getting that.
2. “Everyone thinks you’re crazy”
What this really means is:
“You’re getting too close to revealing my true nature, so I must make you look crazy to divert everyone’s attention.”
I bet you’ve been called crazy before when all you’re doing is trying to reveal the truth. You see, emotional abusers lose ground when cracks start to appear in the façade they’ve created. They must maintain control over you, and so they choose to use gaslighting to do so.
3. “You’re much too sensitive”
What this really means is:
“You’re causing me problems with your emotional needs.”
If something upsets you, then you have every right to express your emotions and seek support from loved ones. Never let anyone tell you that you’re too sensitive about any given subject of concern. You should never have a limit on grieving or frustration, either.
This statement is so toxic and you will know that you’re dealing with an emotional abuser if they say this.
4. “No one knows you as I do”
What this really means is:
“I am working really hard to isolate you from everyone you know and love, so listen to me.”
And I am not exaggerating when I say this either. An emotional abuser will pull out all the stops to isolate you. It’s the only way that they can prove they are the closest person to you–because they’ll make themselves the only person you associate with if they’re successful. This is terrifying, so recognize this statement for what it really means.
5. “You’re overreacting”
What this really means is:
“I am uncomfortable with how upset you are with me. It disrupts my ability to convince you that I’m perfect and blameless”
An emotional abuser will do something negative to you, and then when you get upset, they will downplay what they’ve done. But listen, you are valid in your anger and aggravation with them if they did something that hurt you.
This is especially true if it was due to their negligence or lack of responsibilities. Pay close attention to this condescending statement.
6. “I was just joking”
What this really means is:
“Darn, what I said really made you mad, and I cannot think of another way to flip it around. So, I will just act like it was a joke and make you feel bad for not getting my joke. Jokes on you! ha.”
I’ve had this done to me so many times. When someone did this to me the first time, I felt bad for not recognizing the joke. But then I paid attention to how many times they used this statement. I realized that they’d bit off more than they could chew when insulting me, and this made them backtrack.
The quickest way they knew how to recant the statement was to say it was a joke. Cunning and calculating, isn’t it?
7. “Look what you made me do”
What this really means is:
“I screwed up, but not to worry, I will blame you.”
No matter what the emotional abuser does to you, they will try to convince you that it’s your fault. If they cheat on you, it’s because you didn’t pay enough attention to them. If they lie to you, it’s because you have anger issues and they are afraid to tell you the truth.
There’s always going to be some reason why the abuser’s negative actions are the fault of someone else. This toxic individual has few responsibilities for their heinous ways.
An emotional abuser’s deadliest weapon is their words
Abuse in all forms is scarring and can lead to emotional damage that takes years to heal. And sometimes you don’t even know when it’s happening until you’ve been in this type of situation for a very long time.
Emotional abuse not only hurts you, but it also convinces you that you’re not worthy. And this is the biggest lie of all. And if you don’t remember anything else about this article, I want you to know that you are more than worthy, beautiful, and amazing.
If you’re living with an emotional abuser, do not hesitate to seek professional help if needed. While there are many things you can do on your own to combat this type of abuse, it can still sneak inside and infect you with its toxic imprint.
You must be a very strong person to withstand some of the tactics used by the emotional abuser. So remember, find that support system and keep talking about these things until we’ve made a huge difference in our lives and the lives of many other victims of this abuse.
Hope you have a wonderful day.
Sherrie Hurd
About the author:
Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.
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