Do People Come into Your Life for a Reason? 9 Explanations
Anna LeMind, B.A.
Posted on April 8, 2023
There’s been a long debate about whether people come into your life for a reason or this is just a matter of coincidence.
Realists and pragmatic thinkers believe that there is no deeper reason behind meeting specific people in life. We just make a certain number of social connections throughout our lives, and that’s all. People come, people go. There is no hidden meaning behind that.
Someone with a more spiritual mindset would argue and say that every person comes into our life with some mission or lesson to teach us.
What do you believe?
If you ask me, I think that it’s true and people come into our lives for a reason. I’ve seen this happening to me and others so many times. I also don’t regard this belief as something purely metaphysical, having to do with karma and things like that—for me, it’s more about the wisdom of life.
So, let’s explore this belief further and ponder about the possible reasons people come into your life.
Do People Come into Your Life for a Reason? 9 Explanations of Why They Do
1. To teach you a lesson
The most obvious reason people come into your life is to teach you an important lesson you wouldn’t learn otherwise. Typically, it’s some painful experience, such as betrayal or loss. It breaks you into pieces, but then you come out of this situation as a much wiser person.
Sadly, we learn better from disappointments and adversities than from positive experiences. There is also a belief that life will send you the same challenges until you learn your lesson.
Therefore, if you realize that you attract a similar type of person all the time, maybe it’s not a coincidence. For example, you always end up dating narcissists or your circle is always full of fake and manipulative people.
Maybe they are sent to you with the one and only purpose – to teach you that lesson, no matter how hard it is.
2. To show you the person you want to be
Not all the reasons we meet someone have to be negative. Sometimes people come into your life to inspire you.
Maybe they have personal qualities you admire and would like to cultivate in yourself. Maybe they have accomplished something you dream about.
When you talk to such a person, you feel a boost of inspiration and motivation to pursue your goals. They no longer seem unrealistic! You realize that you can achieve what you dream about, just like they did.
Or you just watch how gracefully the other person deals with a situation where you would mess up. And you learn. Next time you face such a situation, you will keep this person’s approach in mind, and you will handle it differently.
In the end, the belief that people come into your life for a reason always boils down to learning and becoming a better person.
3. To show you the person you don’t want to be
This logic goes the opposite way too. Sometimes people come into our lives to show us our negative sides, so that we can change and become better individuals.
Have you ever met a person who had similar traits and behaviors to your own? It’s like you seeing yourself from a distance.
It’s difficult to spot faults in yourself, but they become evident when you see them in others. You may watch someone else being rude, needy, or uncaring, and you realize that you act exactly the same way, too.
Seeing your negative behaviors in others is a powerful wake-up call. This is when you make a decision to change and work on your character flaws.
4. To push you toward your life purpose
Some people come into your life and change its course. They are the ones who help you discover your true purpose.
It may not be obvious in the beginning, but just the presence of this person in your life slowly pushes you toward your mission. It may be the passions or the values this person has, so one conversation after another is getting you closer to who you are supposed to become in life.
For example, you may share the same hobby, but they will show you the way to turning it into a job. Or they may push you toward an idea you haven’t considered before.
5. To teach you to recognize and handle abusive and unhealthy situations
Getting involved with abusers and manipulators is one of the most wearing experiences you could have. But there is still a meaning and a reason behind letting such people into your life.
You learn to recognize toxic personalities and unhealthy situations in relationships. When you meet such type of person again, you already know what’s going on, so it saves you time and emotional resources.
This has happened to my best friend. A few years ago, she was in a relationship with an abusive guy who was suffering from pathological jealousy. Of course, it didn’t work out, and they broke up.
Now she is dating someone who is somehow clingy and jealous. But she approaches the relationship in a totally different way because she has learned how to deal with a jealous partner and set boundaries.
6. To see yourself from a new angle
We don’t always see ourselves realistically. We tend to underestimate our strong qualities, as well as overlook our flaws. That’s why we often need other people to show us that we are pretty different from what we thought.
Whether it’s about positive or negative qualities, someone may come into your life to help you see yourself from a new angle. Maybe this will give you the opportunity to know yourself better. Maybe this will also motivate you to transform and grow as a person.
One result will be certain—you won’t be the same person you were before meeting them. And that’s the reason they came into your life in the first place.
7. To challenge you and make you step out of your comfort zone
Some people we meet seem to be from a different planet. They have totally different interests and their lives are nothing like ours.
When you meet a person like this, it could be that they are meant to shake you up and encourage you to leave your comfort zone. They don’t exactly give you inspiration or set an example. But they open your eyes to a new side of life.
They motivate you to explore it and live it to the fullest. And maybe this is exactly what you need.
8. To break your illusions
Disappointments are painful, but in the end, they help us learn to see the world in a more realistic way. We all have certain illusions about life, people, and ourselves. That’s why sometimes people who come into our life are meant to break those illusions.
Still, this doesn’t have to happen through disappointment or betrayal. Sometimes just hanging out with a realistic person who has a totally different viewpoint can help you see the flaws in your thinking.
Meeting a person who challenges your views and opinions can be annoying first, but in the end, you will thank life for that. Later you will realize there was a reason people like that come into your life. They make you view the world from a totally different angle and learn things you didn’t even know existed.
9. To change each other’s lives for the better
Just as other people’s presence affects us, so does ours. We inevitably affect and transform each other, especially if we talk about romantic relationships and close friendships.
That’s why one of the main reasons people come into your life is to change and enhance it. And you come into their lives for the same reason.
In the end, this is what matters—to be surrounded by people who make you happy and put a smile on your face.
People Come Into Your Life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime – Is This True?
There is also a popular belief that people come into your life for 3 reasons:
A reasonA seasonA lifetime
You may have stumbled upon this saying on the web and wondered what it meant. Is it true and what exactly does it mean? I think this is a pretty clever saying that sums it all up.
People come into your life for a reason when…
…they are meant to teach you a lesson. Typically, this includes negative experiences, such as dysfunctional relationships, manipulative friendships, and all kinds of disappointments. Without meeting this person, you would never learn the lesson life wants to teach you.
You may come out of this relationship broken and defeated, but in the end, you become a wiser person. This disappointment may also bring you to the right track.
This also includes all the other reasons we listed above.
People come into your life for a season when…
…they are not meant to transform or affect you. Their presence in your life is fleeting, and there is no deeper meaning in it.
Yes, it’s true that not everyone we meet is meant to be here for a reason. Some people are just passers-by in your life. You hang out with them as long as you work in the same job or go to the same college.
This is also called “situational friendships”. When a shared situation is over, this person disappears from your life, too.
In fact, most of our connections are just that — situational friends. They are not meant to last or bring something new and profound into your life.
People come into your life for a lifetime when…
…they are meant to stick by your side. These people will be your lifetime friends or companions. They don’t just transform you, but also bring quality into your life, and you do the same for them.
This is among those instances when you meet your “soulmate” or forever friend. There are deeper things that connect you—not just common hobbies or a shared workplace. It’s something bigger, such as similar values and views on life. You could have the same mission as well.
When you meet such a person, your life will transform in so many ways. And it will certainly change for the better.
So, what are your thoughts? Do people come into your life for a reason or not? I’d love to hear your opinions! Feel free to share them in the comment box below!
Anna LeMind
Founder & Lead Editor at Learning Mind
Anna LeMind is a psychology enthusiast who holds a bachelor's degree in social sciences. She is a deep thinking introvert who writes about human behavior and personality, the nature of introversion, the concept of belonging, and social anxiety, hoping to help those who struggle with similar issues as she does. Anna is the author of The Power of Misfits: How to Find Your Place in a World You Don’t Fit In, a book that aims to help all introverts, socially anxious people, and loners find their path in this loud, extroverted world.
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