The Purple Light: 14 Phrases Emotionally Immature Men Use

Monday, July 15, 2024

14 Phrases Emotionally Immature Men Use

(and How to Deal with Them)

By Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Posted on July 14, 2024

It’s a fact that adolescent girls mature faster than boys, but have you ever thought your partner didn’t get the maturity memo?

Old school ideas of masculinity can make it difficult for men to understand their emotions. We teach boys not to cry from an early age. Expressing your feelings is girly and frowned upon. This can lead to emotional immaturity.

So, how can you identify emotional immaturity in a man? Does he act immaturely when things don’t go his way? Are you constantly telling him to ‘Grow up’ or ‘Stop sulking’?

Emotionally immature men use certain phrases that reveal their level of maturity. In this article, I’ll show you 14 of the most common ones.

14 Phrases Emotionally Immature Men Use

1. “Chill out.”

Sometimes saying ‘chill out’ is necessary, but not when you’re trying to discuss an important issue. Telling you to chill out dismisses your feelings. It’s a way of avoiding conflict. Mature men can debate difficult topics. They’ll want to know why you’re upset and work towards a solution.

2. “I’m fine…”

Emotionally immature guys avoid vulnerability. Rather than tackle tough conversations, they prefer to stew and sulk. Eventually, this building resentment boils over, making a manageable situation deteriorate.

3. “I’m just being honest…”

Social interactions are nuanced and considered. Emotionally immature men don’t understand this, so they use phrases like this to justify thoughtless behavior. It absolves them of all responsibility for the other person’s feelings.

4. “You started it…”

Mature men have an internal locus of control. This means they take responsibility for what happens. They own their mistakes. They’re self-aware and recognize their faults.

Emotionally immature men have an external locus of control, which means they blame others when things go wrong. Saying ‘You started it’ is a way of avoiding blame.

5. “It wasn’t my fault…”

Just as children whine and protest their innocence when caught out, so do emotionally immature men. Owning up to mistakes makes them feel vulnerable, which causes them a great deal of discomfort.

6. “I don’t want to talk about it…”

Isn’t it irritating when someone is in a mood but won’t tell you why? Compromise is important in any relationship, but emotionally immature men are incapable of seeing other people’s points of view.

Opting for silent treatment is passive aggressive, and an easy way out of confronting tough issues.

7. “It’s not a big deal.”

This phrase is used to brush aside your feelings and move on to something less troubling. You’re being told that your emotions aren’t valid and you’re making a fuss about nothing.

8. “You didn’t remind me…”

Immature adults like to be babied or mothered. As a result, they have zero discipline because they’ve never dealt with the consequences. They need constant reminders to do the basics of living.

9. “I don’t care.”

Saying ‘I don’t care’ is the equivalent of putting your fingers in your ears and singing ‘la la la la la’. It’s probably the most childish phrase emotionally immature men use. You can imagine kids shouting it as they misbehave. It reveals a lack of empathy for the other person.

10. “You know what I’m like…”

When men use this phrase, what they’re really saying is,

‘I’m not changing this unacceptable behavior and you’ll just have to get used to it.’

This phrase usually follows inappropriate behavior. Maybe he talks in a baby voice or grabs your breasts whenever he wants, or perhaps he eye rolls or yawns in company.

11. “If you loved me, you’d…”

Love is not conditional; it involves compromises in both partners. One way you can tell a guy is emotionally immature is if he uses ultimatums like,

“You would if you loved me” or “You just don’t love me enough.”

12. “What about me?”

Needing attention is a sign of emotional immaturity. Emotionally immature men don’t know how to (or don’t want to) put others first. Everything is about their needs, to the detriment of all around them.

13. “You’re just a bitch.”

Name-calling suggests you don’t have the goods to enter a mature discussion. This impulsive behavior is typical of someone who hasn’t learned how to curb their emotions. It’s childish. As we grow up, we should learn to control outbursts as we understand the consequences more.

14. “I’ll do what I want.”

Immature men are selfish, with fragile egos, and have zero tolerance for discomfort or things they don’t like. Mature adults know that compromise is important, and you can’t always get your own way.

What Is Emotional Immaturity?

There are many ways to tell if a person is emotionally immature:

They can’t manage their emotions.
They put off hard conversations.
They won’t admit their mistakes.
They can’t work through a problem.
They don’t know when they need help.
They sulk after a dispute.
They are passive aggressive.
They never take responsibility for their actions.
They run away from their emotions.
They have a victim mentality.
They dismiss other people’s feelings.
They are incapable of listening to others.
They have an external locus of control.
They can’t be vulnerable in front of others.
They are incapable of self-reflection.
How to Deal with an Emotionally Immature Man?

You won’t change this behavior overnight; however, change is possible with patience, setting boundaries, and understanding.

Identify the origin

Most adult behavior stems from our upbringing. Growing up in an abusive household can affect the way we process our emotions. Research suggests there’s a link between childhood mistreatment and emotional immaturity.

Starting a conversation where the emphasis is on how their behavior affects you makes it less like a personal attack.

Recognize it might not be their fault

Studies show adverse childhood experiences halt the healthy development of parts of the brain that control impulsivity and reasoning. So, if you want to help your man, it’s important to understand there might be a physical cause for their behavior.

Get therapy

Couples counseling, CBT or one-to-one therapy can help reveal the causes of emotional immaturity. Of course, your guy has to recognize there’s a problem and wants to change.

Set boundaries

Just because you want to help and be understanding doesn’t mean you have to put up with unacceptable behavior. Identify the actions or behaviors you won’t tolerate, set consequences for inappropriate behavior and don’t pander to childish behavior.

Final Thoughts

Emotionally immature men don’t see their flaws, they can’t accept their mistakes, they want everything their own way and throw tantrums when they don’t get it. If you’re prepared to put in the time and effort, you can help them become more emotionally mature.

References:

Davies

Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Sub-editor & staff writer at Learning Mind

Janey Davies has been published online for over 10 years. She has suffered from a panic disorder for over 30 years, which prompted her to study and receive an Honours degree in Psychology with the Open University. Janey uses the experiences of her own anxiety to offer help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.

Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:

https://www.learning-mind.com/signs-your-relationship-is-under-spiritual-attack/

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