Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Squeezing the Orneriness Outta Me

By Steve Beckow

Posted on July 10, 2024

You can stay if you promise to be civilized

I got what’s happening right now. It’s very embarrassing to talk about it but this is my job.

The pummeling doesn’t stop. One crisis after another, large or small.

The emotional truth is that whatever I turn my hand to right now does not work. So “it feels like” I’m carrying a a large rock uphill which then rolls down the other side. Again and again and again.

And these are matters that are important. Getting back $600 that an ATM stole from me is important. It isn’t my mission to cause a great stir (I’m to fly under the radar). (1) I don’t even have to. I’ve been assured that if the bank can’t find it they’ll push the case up the ladder.

Getting Apple to recognize my changed password and not send me on an endless loop is also important. I need to get things with my laptop and iPhone back to normal.

And if I make one small mistake, a lot rides on the transaction. So the price of getting ornery or having a chip on my shoulder is getting higher and higher. It’s like a pressure cooker.

And it is a pressure cooker. That’s the point, as far as I can see.

I’m having the Troll pressure-cooked right out of me, in preparation for a much larger role after the Reval which will make the Troll totally inappropriate. (2)

And I’m not resisting.

I’m at another choicepoint, another change of vote. (3)

I get to choose a new role, consistent with the divine qualities this time.

What’ll I choose? The world is my oyster. I know what love is (4) whereas I can’t say the same about many other divine states. So, first of all, I’d choose love. And since we’re talking about interaction, I choose the one additive or flavor I know is missing in my part of the exchange: Kindness. That makes loving-kindness my replacement for the Troll.

***

How embarrassing to say that. Out loud and in public. Eeek! I feel transparent.

I’m ransacking my treasury of excuses, denials, and justifications to preserve my self-serving image. No go, eh?

I serve the Divine Mother. I’m going to have very large responsibilities. Of course I’m going to be put through the wringer until all ego is wrung out of me. What better way to have it happen, not in warfare, not in business, but in the pursuit and perfection of loving-kindness?

Well, here I go, the latest in a series of radical changes of vote. The Troll Under the Bridge, a poster boy for loving-kindness.

I change my vote. / I have changed my vote.

Footnotes

(1) Archangel Michael: You, as with so many, have been kept under cover. (Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Feb. 11, 2011.) (Hereafter AAM.)

AAM: We want you flying under the radar. (AAM, Aug. 2, 2017.)

(2) And if that time never arrives, so what? I’ve learned so much preparing for it.

On the Troll, see: